Life — March 12, 1925 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GROUP of Congressmen are get- ting ready to go on a junket to Hawaii. As a matter of retribution, how many Congressmen equal one ukulele? Jt Among recent statements which rank lowest in red-hot news valuc is one from ex-Chairman Crem Suaver to the effect that Jons W. Davis will not be a candidate for the presidency in 1928. JL It is reported that Cuartes W. Bryan, when arrested by a Florida motor-cycle policeman, had been driving at the rate of seventy-two miles an hour. Although the cop's remarks at the time are not on record, we hope he seized the opportunity to say, “What's the idea, brother? You ain't goin’ any place.” aL What with all the excitement over typhoid epidemics, it is surprising that no jeweler has thought to advertise Pearls from Contented Oys- ters. JL Paris is now crossword crazy Those fine old French words like “Hinky” and) “Dinky” dovetail into each other so perfectly LL Every woma Mrs. Ratrn Tensxat of Kansas, is entitled to three bands— one to make money social Eclat and one for house- keeping. Applications for the positions of Husband No. 1 and Hus- band No. 3 must be received in this office not later than midnight of March 20, 1935. aL reason why CotumBes k the longest way round to India is clear at last At some time in his carcer he had been a taxi driver. aL We understand that the man who knew all the details of the Chinese Civil War is be- sult of the recent international opium conference in Geneva. Whispers from Patighkeepsie indicate that Vassar College intends to abolish the historic Daisy Chain at Commence- ment this year. “We shall fight these Bolshevistic ideas tooth and nail,” announced the Presi- dent of the Associated Rotogravure Section Editors of America at a late hour last night. “A shrine of worship for all people” is the slogan used by those who are “sell- ing” New York's new Cathedral to the public, Tn which connection, we are reminded that a great many citizens went to France in 1917 under the impression that they were to make the world safe for Democracy. . aL Bishop Manic apparently reasons that Baptists’, Catholics’, Jews’ and Presbyterians’ money is good enough to go into an Episcopalian Cathedral even if they aren't aL It is understood that for the equipment of Professor Ba 's dramatic labora- tory at Yale, Mr. At Woops is pre- pared to offer a bedroom suite as an inspiration for future second acts; Mr Betasco contemplates giving an ad able triangle, and Mr. Ziecretn is cor sidering endowing a chair for study of “Causes and Cure of Housemaid’s Knee.” It is perhaps too much to hop that some philanthropic manager wi contribute a new joke. aL Tennis players may now sign news- paper articles written for pay and still remain amateurs, provided they do not affix their titles. This is a good rule for of course nobody will know wh« W. T. Titven II is unless he adds “World's Tennis Champion” to it. JL We are heartily in sympathy with the plan to apply a literacy test to all applicants for automobile licenses. If they can only be taught to read three words, “Stop, Look and Listen!” there will be a lot less news in Monday morning's papers. Little flasks of silver, Midnight rides by twos, Put the railroad crossings In the daily news. a 5 France 1s concerned over the news that the oases of | the Sahara are drying up. The best way to prevent that, take it from those who know, is to pass a Constitutional Amendment. aL It is rumored that Barto, the dog hero, is going to be taken on a tour through the United ing kept busy these days an- swering questions on the re- “YOR PETE'S SAKE, BILL, T'ROW AWAY DAT SEEGAR; IT SMELLS SOMPIN’ FIERCE.” reported to have said, “there's no place like Nome.” comicbooks.com Oh