Life — January 29, 1925 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“bP E « or WHY ASK? First Convict: were You appre: Second Convict: You poN'T NEED TO BE ADDRESSED— YOU'RE ALREADY WHERE YOU'RE GOING. Modern Chronicles of America (The Hamilton-Burr Duel, as Put on by Aleck and Aaron, the Lightning Duo of Vaudeville.) ENTER, singing: “Oh, Mr. Hamilton!’ Oh, Mr. Hamil- ton! You're a fishy proposition, what I mean. You ain't never done no work an’ you're lacy as a Turk; Now, who was that lady with you which I seen?” “Oh, Mr. Burr! Oh, Mr. Burr! What you buttin’ in my private business fur? Oh, I wisht you'd stow your jaw; twarn’t no lady wot you saw.” “Then wot was she, Mr, Hamilton?” “Your daughter Theodosia, Mr. Burr!” Hamitton: Say, Aaron, ‘dju hear the nifty us patriots put over on King George III in 76? Burr: No, I ain't, Aleck, wot was it? Hamitton: We tells him, “You Ain't Gonna Reign No Mo’.” Har, har, har! Thass a good one, that is! Burr: Thass a purty good one, aw right, Aleck, but ‘dju hear wot I says when they wants me t’ head th’ Prohibition Nash'nal Ticket? Hamitton: No, Aaron, what 'dju say? Burr: I says, “No,” I says, “I'd ruther be tight than President.” Hamitton: Say, Aaron, ‘dju hear "bout the time Ben Franklin an’ some feller was over in the House of Lords, an’ a coupla Lords gets up to go out, an’ one Lord says: “Say, Lord, less us walk out backwards.” An’ the other Lord says: “Why?” An’ the first Lord says: “'Cause J heard one of them Americans say: ‘When them guys go out, less us pinch their seats.’"” Har, har, har! Burk (stepping forward): Laydeez an’ gempmun, the Lightnin’ Duo of Vodveel, Aleck an’ Aaron, will now entertain you with a comical song entitled: “When the Mormon Men Leave Utah, There Won't Be Nobody There 'Ceptin’ Us Chickens.” Puffessor, if you—— (This brings down the house, one of the flying timbers felling Hamilton. Hours later, posses from the audience are still searching for Burr.) Tip Blis The Poet’s Reward HE had no quarrels with present-day morals; His was no story that /iad to be told; He had no lust for acquiring of laurels, Nor did he fashion his verses for gold; Nary transgression required confession: Single and simple the thing that he sought— He merely longed to achieve self-expression. That's all he got. Kile Crook About Boobs THE experiment has never been made, but I feel ce the country could not get along without boobs. Boobs are not growing fewer, in spite of the high rate o: mortality on grade crossings. In the last political campa Bob La Follette asked admission to one of his meetings ¢ got it. That alone proves the plenitude of boobs. Without any boobs the Ku Klux Klan industry would into the hands of a receiver. After-dinner speakers wo: have to get some new stories. Movie sub-titles would greeted with ribald jeers. Without boobs there would be hat-check privilege. And practically no hats to check. McCready Huston HE model used for “The Thinker” must have be working out a crossword puzzle. FAMOUS BOOBS OF HISTORY DIOGENES—THE CRACKED IDEALIST WHO TRIED TO FIND AN HONEST MAN comicbooks.com