Life — January 8, 1925 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ENZOYLSULPHONICIMID — is said to be five hundred sweeter than honey. We wonder why this word has never been drawn to the attention of our sentimental song writers. Jt State Natuan Straus, Jr. ays that automobiles are killing the vegetation in Central Park, having al- of course, disposed of the pedestrians. times Senator JL “Don't invest’ your money in scheme to manufacture gold,” cautions Artucr Brispane. There's a bit of good, sound, hard-headed, practical ad- vice for you, Mr. Business Man. Hold on to your money! In our next issue we shall discuss a very attractive’ oil well proposition down in Texas. There's mil- lions in it any AL One Harry Weston asks the New York World for a lonesome job.” How about a clerkship behind the Mah Jong set counte “good JL Word from Los Angeles in- forms us that a local hardware merchant has achieved — the farthest west in alluring signs by rechristening his store, "Ye Olde Radio Shoppe.” JL The war, according to the Rev. Joun Haynes Hotmes, could not have been won if liquor had not been excluded from the armies. English, French, Belgian and Italian papers please copy. aL Philadelphia had five hold-ups in one day recently. Chicago soon after countered with New York, with several districts yet to be heard from, is confident of retaining the inter-city championship. Jt A large New York mail-order house announces that no more revolvers will be sold by mail. This will be good news six. to our gunmen, who are great believers in the cash-and-carry plan. aL ViLHJALMUR STEFANSSON, the world’s most difficult Arctic explorer to spell correctly, says that the majority of Eskimos have never seen a house of ice, and that they wear long gloves and fur collars to protect themselves, not from the cold, but from mosquitoes Well, as De Wore Horrer used to say, he can speak freely. aL WituraM Jennincs Bryax, whom all know, is reported to be writing his memoirs. Suggested title: “The White House from the Outside.” Extracts from Famous Baby Books Baby Henry Ford—Born July 30, 1863 EPTEMBER 2, 1863—Baby plays with his rattle all day long. October 14, 1863—Tries to stop fight be- tween cat and dog. December 7, 1863—Baby makes faces at to get Jewish gentleman who comes Poppa’s suit. January 11, 1864—Baby laughs for the first time when he rolls pie plates downstairs Tears July 30, 1864—Baby’s first birthday. a new toy horse to pieces. December 25, 1864—Santa Claus Baby a patent tin baby-carriage. bors start telling jokes about it. M. A. T. brings Neigh- Newspapers have been complaining bitterly because so many social leaders chased after the Prixce or Wates and then knelt before the Grand Duches Kyrit of Russia (obs.). There is no room for servility, say they, in democracy. We notice, however, that these same journals always manage t run editorials about “Our Grand Old Man” when the proprietor of a large department store celebrates his eightieth birthday. . aL If any more Russian grand duchesses arrive, the New York Health Depart- ment has promised prompt action to prevent a recurrence of the recent epi- demic of housemaid’s knee. JL “The automobile,” says Secre- tary Hoover, “is here to stay. This statement, however, car- ries no weight with a traffic cop on a no-parking street Jt A man in Racine, Wisconsin, who long ago picked up a dime dropped by Mr. Coottocre in a moment of relaxation, has returned the involuntary loan to the President, explaining that he now has plenty of dimes of his own. This repara- tion was made, we imagine, in strict accordance with the Dawes plan. aL thrifty Mr. dropped a dime In some remote, Anno Domini The finder now returns it, just in time To aid the cause of National Economy, LL The valedictorian of DuxKe University is sure to begin his peroration with “Inhale and Farewell.” Our Coonince undated JL This is Well-They-Were-Good- Resolutions-While-They-Lasted Week. comicbooks.com