Life — January 1, 1925 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

I DON'T CARE HOW PUZZLE Why I Do Not Make New Year's Resolutions l AM not old enough to know what is best for me. T am not young Genial Souse enough for experi- mentation. I am not wise enough to make my self over. I am not foolish enough to attempt the impossible. Furthermore, I keep ‘em. I might J.M,. am afraid American Inventors’ Series John Quincey Schedule ORN as he was in the slums of New York, it seemed in- evitable that John Quincey Schedule, the inventor of the modern railroad time-table, would grow up and be a poli- ticlan; but John was no man to bow to Fate. Struggling against overwhelming odds, he secured a job as train-an- nouncer in the Grand Central erminal, and while in this po- sition he evolved the idea for which he is famous. At that time (the late nine- ties) it was customary for trains to predict the exact mo- ment when they would appear for passengers at a given sta- tion, and then scrupulously en- deavor to be on hand at just BEFORE LATE IT IS—I'M GONNA SOLVE THIS 1 Go HOME. that time. John Quincey Schedule was the first to discard this antiquated sys- tem, and substitute a plan in which the trains arrived anywhere from ten min- utes to two hours late. This delay was known as “Schedule’s Time”; and to-day “running on schedule time,” as it is called, is practiced by most of our larger railroads, C. H. F. IMELY editors suggestion to newspaper Why not. start running some of these “crossword puzzles”? GENTLEMAN HE COULDN'T NEVER SHORT-CHANGE YUH!” How It Came About (“ ‘Cocktail,’ the name of the drink which first became known in Amer- ica, is rumored to be derived from an old Aztec legend.”—Answers.) EZCATLIPOCA, greatest of Aztec gods, to him summoned his godly company. “I wish,” he announced, “to confer a boon upon the Azteca, my children. I would give them a magic, a magic that will set them apart from the rest, that will make them greater than their enemies to my ever- lasting glory, that they may be lords and rulers of the earth. In what form shall it be?” “Let it be drink,” declared Huitzilo- pochtli, the war-god was ever thirsty. “Let it be drink that will re- fresh my warriors and whet them on to greater effort. Let it be drink that will kindle the people and make them ever ready for the maquahuitl of strife, lest they grow stale and soft in safety and in peace. Theirs be a hot, angry country. Let it be drin! “Let it be drink!” chorused the gods. “I,” shouted catsoncatl, the god of strong liquor (God bless the En- cyclopedia Britannica), “shall give of my heady pilque or hootchtl!” “And I,” declared Centcotl, the Earth Mother, “shall give juices of golden fruits and bitter powder of the bark of the quinine tree to mix with it.” “And to the subtle draught,” added Tlazolteotl, goddess of pleasure, “I shall impart the smoothness, the suddenness and the fascination of a beau- tiful, capricious woman.” “Let it be mixed!" shouted Tezcatlipoca, And it was done. “What shall the drink be named?” asked Huitzilopochtli. “Set it before the people,” decreed the God of All, “that they may name it themselves.” Then it was set before the Azteca, that they might drink thereof. And having drunk thereof, they cast themselves upon their faces and in great rapture cried, “Coctl! Coctl!” which in the Aztec language signifies “Wow!” So it was named. who Henry William Hanemann, Beauty Parlor Maids “ZS she a friend of yours?” “Oh, we have a sort of bob- bing acquaintance.” comicbooks.com