Life — November 27, 1924 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE’s All-American Football Selections Kowslowsky Mianini Dartmouth Columbia Cornell Second Team POSITIOS, COLLEGE Vermont Raffensperger Dagrossa Colgate Georgetown thmore Mass. Aggies Harvard orgetown ; Columbia ; WHEN CENSORSHIP INVADES THE FIELD OP SPORT Little Journeys to Big Towns New York NEW YORK is the smallest and most troublesome pos- session under the protectorate of the United States. On the south it is bounded by the Atlantic Ocean and on its remaining sides by foreigners. Its major function is to furnish banquet halls for persons born elsewhere. In successive stages New York has been (a) a Dutch settlement; (b) an English settlement; (¢) an American settlement; (d) a polyglot settlement; (¢) a settlement for ten cents on the dollar, Among the city’s products are: stage bedroom suites with appropriate dialogue from the French for visiting buyers and resident sellers; Volstead Act injunctions; belt- line clothing for men; journals of liberal opinion and re- stricted circulation; veterans of the wars of Peggy Hop- kins Joyce; Mayor Hylan’s committees; expense accounts; letters back home, and young ladies who insist upon living their own lives out loud. A man-child born in New York is disqualified for resi- dence in the city. So soon as he reaches maturity, in accordance with custom, he moves to New Jersey or Connecticut and be- comes a foreigner. James K. McGuinness. Meditation ELIA: Interesting lecture, wasn't it? Cetta: Yes, indeed ; I thought out two Christmas presents. “WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW IS, ARE YOU MY TWIN OR AM I YouRS?” How I Seized My Opportunity BELIEVING that the first step on the road to success involves the seizing of one’s opportunity, the Editors have asked the president of a well-known Rotary Club to tell how he seized his. Mr. Waldemar X. Pooh, inventor and manufacturer of the Double-Cross Bucket for catching Lambs, writes as follows: “I was just a clerk when my opportunity came. I had brought some papers to the president of the com pany—he was in conference, as usual—when the third vice president, the best-dressed man I ever saw before he took to stripes, said ‘Let us ask Pooh.” The directors took one look at me and laughed; but the third vice-president hushed their mirth. ‘We are in desperate straits,’ he said gravely. ‘Every- thing else has failed. What have we to lose? “Then he turned to me and in the tone of one who is almost beaten, inquired: ‘Pooh, what word of five letters means a cold dwelling-plac We can only think of a New York apartment.’ “For a moment the circle of worn, tense faces upset me, b I pulled myself together. ‘Igloo." I cried, and as the room rocked I knew my chance had come.” Bertram Bloch. MOTHER: Dear, dear, baby has his foot in his mouth again. Fatuer: Let him enjoy him- self while he can—thirty years from now he won't be able to touch his toes. comicbooks.com