Life — August 28, 1924 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

32 LIFE It can't get lost — It can't get lost oulll like it/ This is the new Hinge-Cap on DO AOOQ BDO eet PRO OQ He-DO oe ~~ t can't get lost I t c a a t g é t 1 o s t I t c a a t g é t 1 8 Ttcan't get lost OUR FOOLISH CONTEMFO ARIES BS of Ae The Billet-Doux Two men with the same name were members of a certain club. One day a letter addressed to one of them was left at the club, The wrong man opened it first. It was a dun from a tailor. He knew the missive did not belong to him, so he put it back in the letter-rack The next night both men happened to come to the club at the same time. Both went to the letter-rack, the man for whom the letter was intended reaching it first. He read the epistle very carefully. Then he tore it into bits, which he tossed carelessly into a waste-paper basket. “Poor little girl!” he said. “How she loves me!"—Tit-Bits (London) No tonle better than Abbott's Bitters, sample by mail, 25 cts. C, W. Abbott & Co. Baltimore, Md. Ambition Five-year-otp Frepoie: Another penny on my birthday! Oh, Grandpa, I'm going to try to live a hundred years, so’s I'll have a dollar.—Boston Transcript. ists Jeter xr Eat too vs 100 passengers FRANM C. CLARK ‘Times HAY FEVER LOGIC 5,27" os fre why not keep pollen out? T rnay Nasal filter — breathing noticeable—it's foeing de dooe. WASALFILTER GOs Dept L, falat Pool, Misa table — | I. Gaspiri (The Upholsterers) A DRAMA IN THREE ACTS by Ring Lardner. Adapted fro:a the Bukovinan of Casper Redmonda. CHARACTERS | lax Onki—a Blotter Salesman. Jouax Wasrer—His wife. eta—Their daughter. Herpert Swore, Frena—Their daughter, wife. Ecso—aA Pencil Guster. Toxo—A Typical Wastebasket. later their ACT I A public street in a bathroom. A man named Tupper has evidently just taken a bath, A man named Brindle is now taking a bath. A man named Newburn comes out of the faucet which has been left running. He exits through the ex- haust. Two strangers to each other meet on the bath mat. First StraNGER. Where was you born? (Secoxp Strancer.] Out of wedlock. . First STRANGER. That's a mighty pretty country around there. . (Seconn Strancer.] arried ? First Steancer. ; I don't know, There's a woman living with me, but I can't place her. (Three outsiders named Klein go across the stage They think they are in a A woman's cough is 7 Are you A New Crtaracter. Who is that cough ? 3 _ __ UTwo Moors.J That is my mother. She died a little while ago in a haphazard way. (A Greex.] And what a woman she was! (The curtain is lowered for seven days to denote the lapse of a werk.) ACT III The Lincoln Highway. Two bearded glue lifters are seated at one side of the road. (TRANSLATOR'’S NOTE.—The prin- cipal industry in Phlace is hoarding hay. Peasants sit alongside of a road on which hay wagons are likely to pass. When a hay wagon does pass, the hay hoarders leap from their points of vintage and help themselves to a wisp of hay. On an average a hay hoarder accumulates a ton of hay every four years. This is called Mah Jong.) First Give Lirtee, Well, my man, how goes i {Srcoxo Give Lirter.] (Sings “My Man,” to show how it goes.) (Eight realtors cross the stage in a friendly way. They are out of place.) CURTAIN. —Chicago Litcrary Times He Who Gets Slapped The most badly fooled person is not the woman who thought her hair wouldn't be any more trouble after it was bobbed. The real joke is on the husband who thought there wouldn’t be any more expense.—Kansas City Star. And That's Important “Mr. Neurich seems to have the best of everything.” qice, everything except manners.” lorida Times-Union. WINKoG? MALLENOECH COamrORD COMPANY, NEW YORE Sur re Relief yp > 6 Fecal = | Hot water - =) Sure Relief SELL-ANS FOR INDIGESTION 25¢ AND 75¢ PACKAGES EVERYWHERE The Same Old Bill Not many years ago, while he wa cking out a fairly comfortable living, on of our now famous theatrical ligh: broke a friendship of long standing | refusing a small loan to his best friend The other day the same disappointe borrower again approached his former friend. Let me have ten dollars, won't yo: bi?” “I'm sorry,” said the now close-to-a million star, “but I can’t spare it.” “Well,” remarked his former friend “I'm glad to see that success hasn't changed you a bit."—Metropolitan. “WHITE CARGO” —London Opinion Pngtect zoureet gainst . Fowdles, et fhe trleger, showing your cigar not PaTHFIRDER co, Dep TaBS34 3 ‘Strth Ave..| Safe Milk Children, Invalids, Nursing Mothers Avoid Imitations KOBLER AIR AND WATER PEARL PIPE $9.50. All smokers may ask for free literature. Kebler & Ca, lnc, 594 26th $1, Guttenberg, West New Yert, NH. J. = ass toHorlick’s The ORIGINAL Malted Milk comicbooks.com me tg Oh Oh OO DO Oh Oe ER DODO LP OD OUP OD OCH hi es i a ig