Life — August 21, 1924 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

: LEE How Jimmy Democrat Gummed the Election A Bedtime Story by a Political Boss NE morning, bright and early, Jimmy Democrat jumped out of the Convention and saw that it was Election Day.- And he knew it was Election Day, for just then Uncle Willie McAdoo tripped on some red tape and lost most of his support. “You come right over here this minute, Jimmy Democrat, and start an investigation,” Aunt Helen Maria was ng. “I've got to get Johnny Repub- lican dressed and off to the primaries by nine o'clock.” But Jimmy Democrat was fecling too hungry. He was feeling so hungry that he forgot all about Aunt Helen Maria and sneaked off to the political pantry, where he spent an hour stuffing the ballot-box. After he had quite finished, he went over to a window which looked out on some more of the polls and watched the people running about in concentric circles; and he heard old Gusty, the Borah, yelling, “Where's your platform?” and cries of “Bring me another plank,” “More and longer speeches” and other foolish things. And somewhere in the room Aunt Helen Maria was grumbling something about having a Democrat husband who came home deadlocked every night. Pretty soon Jimmy Democrat fell sound asleep and dreamed that he was a delegate-at-large, getting larger every minute. And he thought he was walking about in a great garden where the gardeners all sat in one place and waved their rakes and looked bored. In the beds he found plants with delegate blossoms; cornflowers from Nebraska, hardy perennials from New York, moonflowers from Ala- bama, and lots and lots of weeds. But just as he was picking a California lily for luck, poor old Daddy Bryan dropped four or five States that he was carrying and woke him up. Cain: NOW FOR A GOOD LAWYER AND A COUPLE OF INSANITY EXPERTS. Such a terrible commotion! Everybody voting as fast as he could or calling for recounts, and nobody getting elected. Finally a voter wandered into the ballot-box, and do you think he found? No, not that. No, not thar either. He found it chock-full of enough political cigar coupons to buy a new party! Yes, sirree! That's what he found. But they didn’t catch Jimmy Democrat. Not him He had already adjourned. David McCord. Slow-Motion THE Society for the Suppression of Cruelty to the Higher Animals should stop the taking of close-ups of moving picture actors engaged in thought. It is too painful to watch and makes the people callous to suffering. The movie technique is to blame. It requires that our hero undergo the pangs of ratiocination in a close-up. The villain, in plain sight of the hero, strikes at him three times with a meat axe, empties a 45 Colt’s at him, sets fire to his house and rides away with the fainting heroine. What next? A close-up of the hero's manly face. His eyes nar- row, betokening thought. Seconds p: Wait! He’s get- ting the idea—he's got it! The villain hates him and is doing him wrong! Gods! It is too much. Movie actors ought not to be required to think out hard things like that with people who have paid to be amused watching them. CoM. P. The Popular-Song Writer's Philosophy HERE is no longing like that of returning to one’s mammy” south of the Mason-Dixon line. There is no romance like that of Normandy, Picardy, Brittany, Araby, and Waikiki. June is the one month in the whole calendar. The only illumination is that of the moon, The rose is the only flower. The maiden of one’s dreams is in- variably a creature of enormous at- traction. When one has the “blues,” one im- mediately begins a jazz dance. When one is in love, one cannot help singing about it. C. GS. Two One-Act Plays I—Tragedy Will you marry me? Sue: No. 1—Comedy Will you marry me? : And what business would you like to go into? Son: By all means one where you play golf with the customers. comicbooks.com