Life — July 17, 1924 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Plan Number 403 for a World Court HE idea seems to be that every one applying for an automobile license or trying to rent a bathing-suit must first submit a new plan for a World Court. Every candidate for office has brought forward some suggestion as to how the nations can form a league without calling it a league of nations. Here is one which isn't exactly a league, neither is it exactly a court, nor, on the third hand, is it exactly a bowling team. eee Our scheme for a World Court would involve first the renting of a nice sunny dairy somewhere on the coast of Brit- tany, preferably Capri. This would insure plenty of fresh butter and eggs, in case fresh butter and eggs were needed. Even if they weren't needed, it wouldn't do one bit of harm to have them there. eee Next, each nation over twenty-one years of age should elect a delegate or Delegate to serve during good be- havior. “Good behavior” is taken to mean sitting up straight at table and keeping fingers out of mouth, These delegates should each wear a green blazer, white duck trousers, a red tam, and a tag in the buttonhole reading, “Fogarty. Class of '06.” On the first Tuesday following the first Tuesday after their election the delegates should assemble at some place convenient for the President and hold an election of temporary officers: Tem- porary Chairman, Temporary Filling, and Temporary Temporary. They may, if they feel like it, sing “It’s a Long Way to Temporary,” but they probably won't feel like it. I wouldn't. Having assembled, the first thing will be to elect officers and appoint sub- committees. In order to do this, it will be necessary to adjourn, after appoint- ing a Nomination Committee. eee After a lot of fooling around like this for several years, the Court will sit, and maybe it won't be glad to, after standing on its feet all day. A lot of people seem to think that it is an easy job being a delegate to a World Court, The Pup: wett, 1 WOUNDED HIM, ANnyHow! but they have got another guess, that’s all. The average life of a World Court judge is seventeen years, barring poison- ing. And a clean collar every day, too. e+ ¢ As the moot points begin to show signs of mooting, the Court stops its cribbage game right where it is and tends to business. One by one the cases are brought in, and one by one the judges fall asleep. When the cases are all in, some one cries: “Reliev-o! All around my goal are it!” and unless they can tag the one who cried it, the whole side is retired. This brings it up to Thursday, and Home Again for the Holidays! Robert C. Benchley. The Cynic’s Week “A Bromide a Day Keeps Digestion JNDAY—Love: A state of feel- ing which people think makes the world go round when it is only their own heads that are spinning. Monday—Marriage: Going to bed, eat- ing meals and getting up at certain definite times because the “other party to the contract” is doing it. Tuesday—Progress: Finding a new name for an old nuisance. Wednesday—Civilization: Putting a roof-garden on life without changing the foundations, Thursday—Government: Making laws you don't believe in, for people who don’t want them. Friday—Business: Increasing people's wants and charging them for it. Saturday—Cynicis: An easy way to avoid hard thinking. B. B. HARRIETT: T'll marry a rich man or none. Sve: I'll marry a rich man or two. comicbooks.com