Life — January 10, 1924 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE : The Hat Check Girl on Alimony “THAT there dame that just went in, th’ one with the sable mainsail an’ th’ Grade A tified henna,” excit- edly exclaimed — Jessie. the hat check girl of the Café de I'CEuf, “that's Thyrna Wende.” “Yeh!" yawned Joe, the cloakroom boss, registering acute lack of interest “Haven't you got no respect for art at all?” the Hat Check Girl heatedly demanded. “That's Thyrna Wende, I tell you; the poor, mistreated little girl with enough ex-husbands to organize a veterans’ corps if they wanted to. An’ that venerable bird with her is mebbe goin’ to be th’ one after next, if she ain't booked solid for next season already. “They tell me she’s got alimony down so fine that she lets her ex's knock off five per cent. for cash if their checks get in by th’ tenth of th’ month; an’ that her lawyers has to allow her job- bers’ rates.” “Yeh!” commented Joe. ‘An’ she started so humble, too,” the Hat Check Girl reflected. othin’ but an ordinary breach of promise suit, It beats everything how some people get up in th’ world. Here I been savin’ every letter I get from a man from ages back an’ I'm still dishin’ out fedoras to gents who claim they had derbies when they come in “I might just as well get rid of them, but I go on hopin’ I'll get one worth while some day; one of them burnin’ letters that dreads th’ fire. But the best I've done so far is th’ kind that ends up, ‘Hopin’ you are th’ same,’ an’ they have no market value whatsoever.” “Tell me somethin’,” Joe requested “Where did them dames find that ali- mony gag, anyhow?” “Not out of no cook book,” the Hat Check Girl assured him. minute @ woman starts talkin’ two cups of flour an’ th’ yolks. of three eggs, she’s de- feated. When recipes come in th’ door, alimony flies out th’ window. “As [ understand it, alimony is some- thin’ a man pays a woman for con- sentin’ not to be his wife. An’ some claims that it’s money well spent.” “L guess it is,” Joe agreed. “I don’t yrudge what it costs me. “What does it cost you?” Check Girl asked. “Well, I pay my alimony on a sliding said Joe. iding scale; how come “I give my ex all the Canadian quarters in th’ tips,” Joe explained. James K. McGuinness. Same Old Jolly RAWFORD: Well, there's anoth- er presidential election coming Crapsnaw: Yes, they're talking about reducing the taxes. the Hat hy “AND SHE STARTED SO HUMBLE, TOO,” A Man-About-Town’s Questionnaire NAME ten bootleggers who sell * the Real Thing, and give their tele- phone numbers. 2. Give addresses of five cuties who have apartments, victrolas, and cocktail shakers. 3. What cabaret stays open latest? 4. Name all the different makes of taxicabs. What is the most expensive place to (a) dine? (b) lunch? (¢) tea? (d) sup? 6. Where is the steepest game of (a) bridge played? (b) Mah Jong? 7. Name the headwaiters in the six most popular restaurants. 8. Give list of the fiftcen prettiest girls in the Follies. 9. What is the best place for cock- tails? 10. Who gives the gayest parties? Ballade In the Plaintice Vein T may be true, as Mrs. Smith Remarked to me the other day, That Scott and Owen Meredith Are now, to say the least, passé. It grieves me sorely to display My backwardness, it does, indeed— But how am [ to help it, pray? I get so little time to read! All of my friends, my kin and kith, View my shortcomings with dismay ; They speak of Byron as a myth, And praise the works of Miss Millay; Yet there is nothing I can say Concerning books that supersede The later works of Bertha Clay— I get so little time to read! Some people can extract the pith Of what the booksellers purvey, And choose the brightest tags where- with To rout the Philistine array ; While I should hardly dare essay To name the very latest screed Of Strachey—or should it be Stray?— I get so little time to read! Et § To cultivate the recherché, To cull the blossom from the weed, Alas! If I but knew a way— I get so little time to read! S.K. comicbooks.com