Life — December 6, 1923 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mr. Highbrow: WELL, WELL, I SEE YOU HAVE SoME Mistiltan Loranthacee on Viscum album, COMMONLY CALLED MISTLETOE. I THOUGHT I RECOGNIZED IT. Best Wishes for an Explicit Christmas EREAFTER I shall refuse to accept any presents from my rela- tives unless they have first clearly marked on them just what they are for and how I am expected to work them. If I receive any more gifts that I can- not understand, I shall simply send them back where they came from, and say why. I am sick and tired of having my Christmas spoiled year after year. In other words, I am sick and tired of lying awake nights trying to word a letter of thanks without having to indi- cate what it is I am thanking for. “Your embroidered lettuce-bag was a delight and it will occupy a prominent place in our kitchen, unless, of course, Angela is right after all and it is really a skating cap.” I want my relatives to give so they can be understood. Because, if my relatives think that our family is going to repeat any such performance as we went through last year, they are very much mistaken. Last year we sat up until three o'clock the next morning trying to sort out the presents we got and find out what they were supposed to be used for. For example, my wife devoted the whole afternoon and evening to a gift from Cousin Maude, trying to decide whether it was a dining-room clock or an ice-cream freezer, and if so, then why it was lined with fur. It cost Grandpa Whittle three bruised fingers to learn that the nice spectacle-case he got from Aunt Emma was really a mouse-trap. In addition, I spent several hours wiring up the new vacuum-cleaner from Uncle Adolph, and I had almost tuned in to Schenectady before I discovered my mistake. And we crawled into bed that night weary and broken, with a rough score of seventeen presents to the good, three still to be identified, and two more which we had temporarily classified re- spectively as a pair of wicker ear-muffs and an elastic cigarette-holder, although I was pretty fairly sure that we should find out later there was something wrong somewhere. \ Mig A~7-7-/~C ~ L ordered 2 FR-k~E B-2-S-0-7-e-N- The only thing that can make this Christmas bright is a little scheme Angela and I have worked out. We have taken part of a coffee percolator, filled it with concrete, and knitted rosebuds all over it. We're going to send it along with an extra roll of camera films; and then we are going to see what kind of letter Cousin Maude writes back. Corey Ford. A Timeless Tragedy WISH I wore a watch Upon my wrist So that the proper train I never missed! I wish I had five clocks Or even two; I wish I knew the time; I never do! I wish that I could fly To some kind star Where not a soul would say, “How late you are!” I wish I had five clocks— Or even two... I wish I knew the time— I don’t. Do you? E. N. H. 'HE wets were victorious in recent elections in Scotland and Alberta, Canada. It serves those benighted heathen right for not having constitutions. \ Withine wants Na RED SLED! and S-K-A-FE-S and J an going to t Holy # HEM, WHIS-Km ERS AEE Y rama OPENING OF THE ANNUAL SPELLING SEASON comicbooks.com