Life, 1923-11-22 · page 14 of 34
Life — November 22, 1923 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous illustrated poem satirizing Pilgrims and Native Americans through absurdly long, Puritan-style names. The narrative describes a conflict where Chief "Hates-Like-Blazes-to-Be-Caught-in-the-Rain-but-Prefers-to-Remain-Inside-Where-It's-Dry" shoots at settler "Praise-God-Every-Morning-and-Night-and-Twice-on-Alternate-Thursdays Bradford," who then shoots back. The settler's family celebrates their "first Thanksgiving dinner" afterward, with children bearing similarly ridiculous compound names. The satire mocks both the verbose Puritan naming conventions of early colonists and contemporary stereotypes of Native Americans. The joke relies on the contrast between elevated historical mythology of Thanksgiving and the comic violence underlying the Pilgrims' actual colonization of Native lands.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIFE - ; Che Fixst Chankssiving : le of the Piléri ; ese L Gale of fhe SQ RATSE-God-Every-Morning-and-Night-and-T wice-on- Alternate-Thursdays Bradford Strolled by the peaceful Umplonkquosset's shore With his son, young Honor-Thy-Father-and-Thy-Mother- that-Thy-Days-May-Be-Prolonged-on-Earth, and his daughte Sweet We-Shall-Chant-and-Sing-Thy- Praises-and-Thy- Glory-Forevermore. Then through the thicket creeps ¢ chieftain, Chief Hates-Like-Blazes-to-Be-Caught-in-the-Rain-but- Prefers-to- Remain-Inside- Where-It’s-Dry, And drawing his bow with expert arm and skillful, x0d-E) y- Morning-and-Night-and- sdays Bradford's eye. ~~ But, ere he sends the fatal arrow winging, We-Shall-Chant-and-Sing-Thy-Praises-and-Thy-Glory- Forevermore sees him through the trees. She gives a cry and quickly trips her father, Who drops without delay upon his knees. He lifts his gun and aims it at the redskin, And plugs the noble savage full of lead; And young Honor-Thy-Father-and-Thy-Mother-that-Thy- -Be-Prolonged-on-Earth, running forward, ! you have shot Chief Hates-Like-Blazes- to-Be-Caught-in- the-Rain-but-Prefers-to-Remain- Inside-Where-It’s-Dry dead!” Oh, what j that first Thanksgiving dinner! What happi s pervades that festal board As Praise-God-Every-Morning-and-Night-and-T wice-on- Alternate-Thursdays tells the story To his loving wife, Let-Not-Thy-Heart-Envy-Sinners- but-Be-Thou-in-Fear-of-the-Lord. What joy, as young Honor-Thy-Father-and-Thy-Mother- that-Thy-Days-May-Be-Prolonged-on-Earth repeats it To his envious brother, A-~Good-Name-Is-Rather-to-Be- Chosen-Than-Great-Riches, who sits near by, While little We-Shall-Chant-and-Sing-Thy-Praises-and- Thy-Glory-Forevermore gets the drumstick of the turkey For her share in killing Big Chief Hates-Like-Blazes-to- Be-Caught-in-the-Rain-but-Prefers-to-Remain-Inside- Where-It's-Dry. 5 Aves B ComsTecK. comicbooks.com