Life, 1923-09-20 · page 8 of 36
Life — September 20, 1923 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This two-panel satirical piece mocks the confusion and inefficiency of a British railway information bureau. In the first panel, a lady seeks train schedules; the clerk repeatedly struggles with time calculations and conflicting information, consulting timetables while admitting uncertainty about connections and arrivals. The second panel shows a crowded scene where the clerk definitively states "WE DON'T TAKE PACKAGES HERE AT ALL, MADAM"—suggesting that despite failing to answer legitimate questions, the staff firmly enforces the one rule they actually understand. The satire targets bureaucratic incompetence: workers who cannot perform their primary function but rigidly enforce minor regulations. The humor derives from this inverted logic and the exasperation it creates for ordinary travelers seeking basic information.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ADY: A time-table of Bristol trains, please. (The clerk hands her a time- table.) Tue Lapy: Will this have the 8 :42 train on it? Tue Crerk: All the trains, madam. Tue Lavy: If it was taken off, though, it wouldn’t be on, would it? I mean if they take them off, they take them off the time-table, don't they? Tue Crerk: Certainly, madam. A Man: If I take the 4:32 to Paw- cassett Falls, can I connect with the 5:36 out of there and make Rumford Junction in time to catch the trolley for Hickson’s Bridge? y: I don't see any 8:42 train on this time-table. Tue CrerK (consulting a time- table) : One minute, madam. (To the man.) You can’t get out of Rum- ford Junction before 6:52. You'll have to take the West Witchford Branch, by way of South Danville, at arrive Witchford 5:43, leave Witchford 5:56, arrive Witchford Centre 8:05, leave Witchford Centre at 9:18, arrive North Witchford at 9:26, leave North Witchford at 10:04, ar- riving Boxford Junc- tion 11:52, leave Box- ford at 12:03, and if you're on time you'll make Pillsbury Pool in time to catch the boat to Harman’s Land- ing. That's the simplest way for you to go. (Turning to the lady.) Now, madam. Tue Lapy: I say I think it must have been taken off. Tue CLerk: train, madam? Tue Lapy: The train that I thought might have been. Tue CLerk: Where do you want to go, madam? Tue Lavy: The 8:42 to Bristol (The clerk points to the train on the time-table.) Oh, yes, I saw that but I thought it was pr. M. I get there by daylight, I suppos T mean Daylight Saving Time. Tue Crerk: You arrive 11:50 Standard Time, 12:50 Daylight Sav- ing Time. the too, What “WE DON’T TAKE PACKAGES LIFE At the Information Bureau By Beatrice Herford Tue Lapy: I was only thinking if they meet me by the kitchen clock I sha’n’t be there; you see, they keep “THAT'S THE SIMPLEST you TO Go.” WAY FOR the kitchen clock by the old time, so that it isn’t so hot to eat. I'll just look at the time-table again, please. A Youne Girt: Do I get the train HERE to Bakersville by that clock there, or do I have to wait an hour? Tue Crerk: You get it at 10 o'clock Standard Time, 11 o'clock City Time. Tue YounG Girt: Well, I don't sce how it can go at ten and eleven, too. I thought everything went an hour later, this seems to be going at both times at once. (She goes away looking utterly confused.) An Otp Lavy: If a young lady asks about New York trains, will you please tell her we’re not going? AT ALL, MADAM.” A Lapy (with many bundles) : Ca I leave this suitcase here for half ai hour ? Tue CrerK: No, madam, you car check it at the parcel room. Tue Lapy: I know, but this is s much nearer the train. Tue CLerK: We don't check pack ages here. Tue Lavy: I don't mind if I don have a check for it Tue CLerk: We don't take pach here at all, madam. HE Lapy: Well, I think this is th most inconvenient station, it’s terrib! to have a heavy suitcase and not hay a parcel room at both ends of it An Otp Man: Is this storm ot to Stoningham way? Tue Crerk: I can't tell you any thing about the weather. Tue Oro Lapy Wao Lert tH MessaGe: It’s all right, thank you I've got her. The Wall-Flower LONE the corner of the ballroom whil and neglected she sat i the cymbals clashed and saxophones Shoulders shoo’ almost out of joint anc hips seemed fairly to dis Ther syncopation in thc blared. locate themselves. was air; there was ragtime in the feet of the prancers for J the keynot: of the evening. There were all varieties oi “strutting” ping”; there conceivable and “step was every form oi “twist” and “turn.” Yet quite unescorted remained the little lady in the cor- ner. ed that the young men of the party were not in the least attracted to her. In truth. they mocked her modest manner. “Who are you, anyway?” eventu- ally them inquired. And somewhat hesitatingly she replied: “I am called Terpsichore. It appea one of ie HADYA said? think snorted dumb-bell the coal man, banging up the receiver. “He said our substitute for anthracite wouldn't burn. What d’ya s’pose he expected?” the comicbooks.com