Life — August 30, 1923 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE rs n set it Babys cryin, Boat $ Go turn on the Radio Noise Remover The Other Half of Radio By Don Herold HAVE been working along lines directly opposite those followed by other radio inventors. The device which I am just about to perfect will make possible a phe- nomenon exactly opposite to that of broadcasting. It will gather up noise, instead of spreading it. I started out with the hypothesis that there is too much noise in the world, rather than not enough. Hardly that, either. To be precise, my theory was that there is a lot of noise in the wrong place, a lot of noise which would be all right if it were elsewhere. My device, as soon as I get it a little better worked out. will, when employed on a large scale by municipalities, act wage-disposal plant. Imagine all the street noises of New York, for instance, being gath- ered up and carried out somewhere into the marshes of New Jersey, and being let off away out there where there is nobody to listen. Won't that be a blessing! New York will be so quiet you can hear dimes dropping into platters at the hat checkrooms. When my neat little family-size household outfit is de- veloped it will be possible to attach it to a cradle, set it for a certain distance and direction and carry baby’s crying up the street right into the middle of that pi tin cans on that ant lot next to the Mitten Factory. Folks may come in from the sidewalk and look among the tin cans for a baby, but there won't be any there The utterances of William J. Bryan, Col. Harvey, and others can be snatched up and carried off to the middle of some deserted apple orchard. My invention will make cornet practice possible in even the best neighborhoods: It will give us noiseless newsbc silent vocal students, mute music boxes, painless political campaigns, and pine- less puppy dogs. Attached to a lawn mower, it will enable a man to get up at six o'clock on Sunday morning and cut his grass without incurring the hatred of his neighbors. I expect to make one in the shape of a lavalli¢re which you can present to your wife. It will enable the world to harness up all of the hetero- geneous blah-blah to which it has to listen nowadays and transmit it to the swamplands. It is going to be a pretty nifty little thing, and I expect to be known soon as one of humanity's great benefactors. Of course I realize this still leaves unsolved the problem of how to do away entirely with moving pictures. somewhat as a nois RUNNER-UP in the Ladies’ Finals—That broken stitch in the best silk hose. Rondeauville “\ [AY we go for a stroll near by, Your daughter, Mignonette, and I Asked I one dreamy night in June Of Madame Poisson de la Prune, That haughty grande dame from Versailles. “The crickets chirp; the moon's on high; The stars shine in the well-known sky. I promise you we'll come back soon!... May we?” Sweet Mignon gave a little cry For fear our plans might go awry. Then, trembling like a big buffoon, Once more I craved our little boon, And Madame gave this swift reply: “Mais, oui!” Max L Elementary bs ILLIE, can you tell me why Labor Day always comes the first week in September ? “Because that’s the week school begins. RUMORS that Henry would not accept the nomination reached the Ford-for-President Club the other day and in the silence that followed you could have heard a cotter pin drop. - \ BEDTIME STORY “MUMMY, THE TOP OF YOUR DRESS IS GONE.” comicbooks.com