Life — August 16, 1923 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Make Marriage Safe! INCE Congress is working on a bill for the establishment of uni- form Federal marriage and divorce laws, now is the time to get the thing on a sensible basis. Write to your Congressman and insist on the in- corporation of the following clauses regulating marriage. No man shall be allowed to marry who: 1. Has only one funny story to tell when company comes 2. Wipes his razor blades on towels 3. Doesn't like floating island 4. Waits until dinner is announced be- fore starting to get ready for it 5. Doesn't like to get into evening clothes 6. Can't carve a roast 7, Whistles off-key. the Pa, LIFE No woman shall be allowed to marry who: 1, Insists on taking her escort’s arm while walking along the street 2. Is likely to want frequent glasses of water 3. Reads aloud 4. Talks baby-talk 5. Interrupts the telling of stories with corrections 6. Sings off-key. R. C. B. Daughterly OLLY: Mother— Mortuer: What is it, Dolly dear? Dotty: Will you promise not to smoke until I am twenty-one? A, what's a pedestrian?” “The owner of a second-hand automobile.” “PLEASE GIVE ME AN ANSWER, WE'RE HOLDING UP A FOURSOME.” “| DON’T CARE, A TWOSOME HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY.” Life Lines Te Russian correspondent of the New York World reports that bar- ber-shops are flourishing in Moscow. It is estimated that this will throw at least one hundred and _ forty-seven comic paragraphers out of work, -L Even if the Ford-for-President boom should fail, it seems destined to go down with all cylinders missing. JIL The Ship of State could never be mounted on a Ford chassis. aL Five Scotch prohibitionists, on a visit to America, have stated that they can’t find any liquor in New York. Not, at least, what they call liquor. JL A year from now the victorious Turks will be celebrating their first Lausanniversary. —L Tortoises are very tenacious of life, says a’scientific journal. One of these animals existed apparently quite un- concerned for eight months after its brain was removed. For president: Henry W. Tortoise. aL We hear that several bootleggers are travelling regularly on the dry Levia- than, and doing a thriving business. Disrespect for the Constitution fol- lows the Flag! aL Tf only the English lecturers could be brought in sealed by the Dry authorities! Dancing Men ANCING men who step all over their partners’ feet ; dancing men who savor of synthetic gin; dancing # men who pass the entire evening at the bridge table; dancing men who are forever blocking the doorway of the ball-room; dancing men who de- part for a minute to fetch some salad and never return; dancing men > who are invariably out of breath; dancing men who dance on the din- ® ing-room table; dancing men who never want to stop dancing; dancing men who never dance. "HE Editor regrets that mechanical exigencies of the paper prevented the exclusion of the editorial cartoon of Mr. Harding from the preceding number of Lire. comicbooks.com