Life, 1923-08-09 · page 12 of 36
Life — August 9, 1923 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces: 1. **"A Nightmare in Suburbia"** — A humorous narrative about suburban commuting frustrations (missed trains, garden pests, morning delays). 2. **"Dramatic Criticism"** — A cartoon showing what appears to be a theatrical scene with characters and a sign reading "WHERE MEN ARE MEN," satirizing overly masculine posturing in theater productions. The joke critiques exaggerated masculine performance. 3. **"Hints for Young Brides"** — Domestic advice column offering cooking tips (roasting chicken, salt in soup) and household management. 4. **Bottom illustration** — A whimsical cartoon of animals (leopard, zebras, giraffe) with the zebra's caption: "Gosh! Wouldn't I hate to be as conspicuous as that leopard's spots make her!" — a gentle joke about being visibly different or standing out. The page reflects early-to-mid 20th century magazine humor: domestic satire, theatrical commentary, and animal fables.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
10 A Nightmare in Suburbia STOOD in the Grand Central a few moments ruefully watching the tail lights of my last train dis- appearing in the distant tunnel and then I turned toward the taxi stand. The grizzled old fellow at the wheel took an extra hitch in his overalls, applied the pitchfork to his lawn mower as I took the seat beside him, and we were off. My discomfort was supreme but, of course, I consoled myself, one can’t expect a cushion made of scythes, and sickles to be a soothing place of rest. Even as it was I began to doze off, but the frantic ringing of my driver’s alarm clocks brought me to with a start and I dis- covered we were stranded in the midst of a bed of flowers that changed, chameleon-like, into weeds before my very eyes. I would have plucked them all, too, if the farmer’s vicious dogs hadn't interfered, and as I stumbled off across the meadows I came a cropper and fell prone in the midst of a vast area of tomato cans. They sank quickly from under me, however; it was raining blindingly and the water seeping through the crevices in the roof made huge holes in the lawn. As DRAMATIC CRITICISM I sank into one and was rapidly dis- appearing from view a neighbor came along just in time to borrow two pounds of sugar, which I, happily enough, was unable to lend him. My neighbor’s children meantime fell madly to pulling up my vegetable garden, and I might have been able to stop them, too, before they picked the last radish, if my morning train hadn't been whistling in the distance. I made better time to the station, ar- riving barely a second too late to catch the last car as it rushed past me. Philosophically, I hailed another lawn mower and—eh? It’s seven o'clock? Holy cats! Why didn’t you waken me sooner, Martha? I’ll never be able to get that 7:36 now! L. A. M. Hints for Young Brides roast a chicken without ‘first substituting other filling. Cakes left in the oven for more than half a day are apt to become darker than you would wish. The best way is to consult the cook book and lay aside “Black Oxen.” One box of baking powder is plenty for a cake unless you have a very large oven. Count seven before you put your second handful of salt in the soup. Husbands appreciate this. The quickest way to wash dishes is to call your husband. “Dozss has a passion for golf.” “Yes—I’ve heard him in it.” The Zebra: GosH! WOULDN’T I HATE TO BE AS CONSPICUOUS AS THAT LEOPARD’S SPOTS MAKE HER! — comicbooks.com