Life — June 28, 1923 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An Ocean Voyage in Calm Waters From Vancouver to Alaska, ex- tends the Inside Passage recognized as the most beautiful water trip in America—a sea voyage of over 600 miles, in smooth waters protected by coast islands, affording won- drous seascapes and mountain views of the snow-capped coast range. Canadian National Ocean Steam- ships are the fastest and largest in North Pacific waters—all outside staterooms. This is the water trip of the Triangle Tour. The two land sides of the Triangle Tour from Prince Rupert to Jasper National Park and from Vancouver to Jas- per National Park lie through a part of the Dominion of Canada that cannot be surpassed for charm and grandeur of its scenery, the multitude of its mountains, and the remarkable character of its many rivers and their canyons. For full information, write for booklet S. S. 20, to anyZof thelfollowing Cana- dtan National Railway Offices: BOSTON, 294 Washington St. BUFFALO, 11 So. Division St. CHICAGO, 108 West Adams St. CINCINNATI, 406 Traction Bldg. CLEVELAND, 522 Kirby Bldg. DETROIT, 527 Majestic Bldg. DULUTH, 430 West Superior St. Banshee CITY, 334 Railway Exchange Ly ross GEES 503 So. Spring St. ‘APOLIS, 518 Second Ave. So. NEw: YORK, 1270 Broadway PHILADELPHIA. 702 Finance Bidg. eerTSB URC 505 Park Bldg. AND, ME..Grand Trunk Station San Fi FRANGISCO. 689 Market St. E, 902 Second Ave. Sa OUuis, 305 Merchants Laclede Bldg. ST.PAUL, Cor. 4th and Jackson Sts. Canada Welcomes United States Tourists—No Passports Required The Canadian National Route through the Rockies skirts Canada’s highest peak at the easiest gradient and lowest al of any transcontinental route. “BE SEATED, —Buen Humor (Madrid). LIFE OUR. FOOLISH CONTEMPORAR! “An Accident” A young man, springing into an over- crowded moving train, trod on the toes of an old gentleman in a corner seat. “I’m very sorry,” he said. Otp GentLeMAN (hand behind ear): Eh? Younc Man (more loudly): your pardon. Otp Gentleman: Eh-h-h? YounG Man (shouting): I trod on your foot. It was an accident—an acci- dent. Otp GENTLEMAN (catching last word only): An accident! You don’t say so! Anybody hurt ?—Tit-Bits (London). I beg A Bank in Peril Every business develops its own peculiar kind of humorous anecdotes. In one of the banks the other day a girl clerk in the accounting department called a customer and said: “I just wanted to inform you that your account is overdrawn eight cents.” There was a long pause and then an excited feminine voice inquired : “Gosh! Do you have to have it this morning ?”—Youngstown Telegram. Not Unlikely Poticeman: When you pulled the attempted suicide out of the water, what happened? Rescuer: I hadn't turned my back before he hanged himself to a tree. “But why didn’t you cut him down?” “I thought he’d just hung himself up to dry!"—Kasper (Stockholm). The Sentimentalist Girt (to shy lover): You've hardly spoken a word all the evening, Sandy, and yet you write me such beautifully long letters. Sanpy: Aye. A’m just thinkin’ what A’m going to put in ma next! —Humorist (London). Most Desirable Places She was only a little girl but for all that she was a much traveled young rson. In reply to the question, “Where do you like best of all to really live?” she made answer: “In nome, Paris, or Cheyenne!” —New York Sun and Globe. A Rush Order Pustisuer: Can you turn out an- other book in three weeks? SuccessruL AutHor: Why so soon? PusiisHer: It will never do to let the public forget you—Cornell Widow. Marcaret ANGLIN opposes an Actors’ Union. “Actors,” she says, “are not bricklayers.” That's right. One seldom hears an actor calling for more bricks. —Detroit News. TRADE wane ate U Sear orF Vodvil Vignettes Nigger Soft-Shoe Dancer Dance me, perfesser, I craves music. Baby, baby—watch mah feet ... like rain on a tin roof. I’se a mechanical toy. Turn me round, music, march mah soul away. Come on, there, trombone, talk to me. Ah music, music ... I could kiss your hungry lips ... Good- bye, you all, I’se found mah baby. I'se got a vampire inside me runnin’ fingers through mah soul. I'se got a black devil talkin’ to me. . . “strut, you nigger, let your arms float. Break your legs. Come on, you black sheik, stiffen your shoul- ders, slap your knees ... let your feet run wild.” .. . I got a vampire in mah soul, Eeyah baby! heah I is, music, talkin’ back to you. Dance me, per- fesser, dance me. I’se a huntin’ nigger .+.I’se a rooster walkin’ in the dawn ..I’se a zebra flirtin’ with the moon «s.I’se a Voodoo baby ridin’ on a boa snake. Heah I is. Take me, music. Come on, drums ... Hot damn! Watch me riot .. . turn me loose, vampire. . « —Chicago Literary Times “Wuat is banking?” asks Otto Kahn. Prudent !—Detroit News. 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