Life, 1923-06-14 · page 7 of 44
Life — June 14, 1923 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes silent film culture and an actor (likely Inglorious Merton—a fictional character name mocking grandiose film personas). The poem mocks the disconnect between an actor's on-screen heroic image and his actual personality. The central joke: the character claims he'd sail through stormy seas rescuing maidens and defeat villains, yet confesses he's not "the type" for such heroics. Despite acquiring skills and appearing in exotic settings (Egyptian, Chinese, Spanish scenes), people recognize his ordinariness. The poem catalogs his mediocrity—he's "not thin, nor yet obese," possesses only correspondence school degrees, and lacks the ardent heroism his films suggest. The satirical point: silent film acting created false personas; audiences couldn't hear actors speak, enabling the illusion. The mute format allowed anyone to appear heroic on screen while remaining unremarkable in reality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Ballade of the Mute Inglorious Merton J FAIN would sail through stormy seas To rescue maidens in distress, And slay, with nonchalance and ease, A dozen villains, more or less; My photographs are a success, I have a profile and a pipe, But, when my longings I confess, They tell me I am not the type. In scenes Egyptian or Chinese, In Spanish or Italian dress, I am quite certain I should please With my adroitness, my finesse; But even as they acquiesce And say no doubt my art is ripe, Making a note of my address, They tell me I am not the type. lam not thin, nor yet obese; My eyes are dark, and I possess Two correspondence school degrees As earnest of my cleverness. I tell them this; they say “Ah, yes”; They show regret; they even wipe Away the tear they can’t repress, They tell me I am not the type. The ardent forty-foot caress, The hounded hero’s convict stripe, All such are not for me, I guess— They tell me I am not the type. Stoddard King. comicbooks.com