Life — June 14, 1923 — page 39: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Flood of Tears “You put glycerine in their eyes to make them cry, don’t you?” asked the visitors at the Super Film Studios. The super-director waved his hands in temperamental horror. “Oh, public ignorance!” he cried. “Glycerine? No! Glycerine tears are as archaic as pie in light come- dy, thanks to me. In all emotional films where grief is to be regis- tered, stars under contract with Super Films use the Tear Spray. Miss Flicker! Here, please.” One of the humbler members of the company, a mere $300-a-week novice, approached at the director’s call. “Miss Flicker, be so good as to adjust the Tear Spray for the benefit of these good people. . . .As you see, the spray is a curved pipe about the thickness of a lead pencil that is worn across the eyebrows, worn concealed by a bandeau of finest rubber. It was a sprinkling cart that gave me the idea.” “But how—” “I am coming to that. In the big sob scene, where other producing companies give the public but an unconvincing glycerine trickle, we —wwe give them lavish art! The Hudson River : by Daylight _ Don’t miss it this year!—the most do lightful inland water trip on the Ameri- can continent. Inspiring views of lofty Palisades and headlands; beautiful. shore vistas; points of historic interest. A new thrill at every turn. The Pleasant Route To Vacation Lands No matter which direction you travel, the Day Line forms the ideal connecting link between New York and the Catskills, Berkshires, Adirondacks, Saratoga, Lake George, Lake Champlain, Niagara’ Falls and all points North, East and West. De- Ughtfull” One-Day Outings from New Daily ‘and Sunday. Season to Oct. 21. Rail tickets accepted, N.Y. to Albany, Albany to N.Y. Write for Illustrated Literature Hudson River Day Line Desbrosses Street Pier New York THE BELL TELEPHONE SYSTEM ‘SHOWING TERRITORIES OF THE ASSOCIATED OPERATING COMPANIES WHICH IN TURN ARE CONNECTED BY THE LONG LINES OF THE AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH CO. United for the Nation’s need We are a people scattered over three million square miles of terri- tory—a people whose daily com- mercial transactions and social interests are as wide-spread as our boundaries. Only a unified tele- phone service, covering the whole country, can serve our needs. Such a service, in turn, requires a national organization with uni- form policies and operating methods; and also in each com- munity a local organization with full authority and responsibility for the problems of that community. Such a service is the service of the Bell System. Two. hundred and fifty thousand employees and approximately six thousand local operating units cover the length and breadth of the land. Uniting these community organizations are the Associated Companies of the Bell System, each responsible for service in its territory. Linking together the Associated Companies is the American Tele- phone and Telegraph Company. It operates the long distance lines, develops nation-wide policies, standards of practice and equip- ment for the improvement of the service and for the benefit of all. In this commonwealth of service the best interests of the nation and the community are equally served. “BELL SYSTEM” AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH{COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED ‘COMPANIES One Policy, One System, Universal Service, and all directed toward Better Service eye-brow pipe attaches to a rubber tube which all Super Film actresses wear coiled in their hair. Jealous tears, angry tears, tears of sorrow, —all are here, a full half-pint, in the rubber coil. Sob, Miss Flicker, and press the bulb in your coiffure —NOW! “Ladies and gentlemen, when a Super scenario requires the leading lady to ‘burst into a flood of tears’ she bursts—thanks to me.” A. H. F. Jenny—1923 Model Jenny missed me—in a pet, Jumping from the chair she sat in, Hurled a book sans etiquette, Trying hard to bust a slat in. Say the world has used me bad, Say the Fates have cursed and hissed me; Just the same I’m awful glad— Jenny missed me. H.W.H. comicbooks.com