Life — June 14, 1923 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE All in the Day’s Work Two Versions of the Life of a Film Star (According to Popular Opinion) ll a. M. star struggles to con- sciousness after night’s orgy and is given a strychnine eye-opener by Nubian servant, and a bath in Ba- cardi rum. Star then sits down to a light breakfast of grain alcohol- soaked grapefruit and a_ heroin omelet. Arrives at studio at noon and at the personal request of Will Hays shoots scene, Faints from terrific strain, Will Ha uses star for rest of day. Star next attends a soul sale. Buys two dozen fresh souls and dep with producer for luncheon behind locked doors, Escapes from luncheon at 3, and motors a bit, running over four women, all with small chil- dren. Invites innocent critic to tea. Teaches critic to eat hasheesh, then shoots same with platinum-mounted revolver, Gets champagne rub-down by Siamese at- tendant and dresses for evening’s debauch. (Details of party will be furnished upon receipt of stamped, self-addressed envelope.) At 5 a, M. star digs self from under heap of dead and dying and returns home. Puts self into coma with large dose of laudanum. Movie Memoirs will please Remove THEIR The Tiny Garments (According to the Fan Magazines) TAR awakens at 6 a. M. to ringing of ninety- eight-cent alarm clock. Skips out of bed, kneels down in canton flannel pajamas and says morning prayers. Takes cold shower and cooks breakfast of oat- meal, eggs and cocoa. Makes bed, tidies room and cooks breakfast for aged mother. Walks four miles to-studio, picking up three stray dogs and four starving cats on the way. Arrives at studio at 7. Shoots twenty- eight scenes from 7 to 12, occupying self with huge basket of darning between shots. At 12 at tends chapel. Adopts baby and begs director for hour off to distribute orchids and Scotch at hospital for war-wounded. Returns promptly at 2:30. Shoots twenty-eight more scenes, cheering up despond- ent extras between shots. Adopts another baby. De- parts at 5 to have tea and dry toast with aged mother, but is waylaid and interviewed for movie magazine. Bursts into tears. Has light supper and fudge party at 6 with another star, chaperoned by Will Hays and Hollywood Board of Trade. Other star leaves early on account of night air. Reads from Shakespeare, Thoreau, Louisa Alcott and Charley Schwab until 8:45. At 9, star takes hot bath, kneels down in canton flannel pajamas, says prayers and is tucked into bye-bye by aged and loving parent, Fast asleep by 9:30. As extra discipline alarm clock is set for 5:45 a. M. Henry William Hanemann, Dispossessed “PLL be back in an hour,” you said, One...two... three... have sped; And the little god angrily turns his head; His face he hides, it cannot be seen; Foolish one! Think you what that may mean? Oh, his wrath may be woeful and very keen! Ah, Love may loiter and wander around, 3e sweet and yearning and bow to the ground, 3ut to wait overlong... he’ll not do it, I’ve found! Floyd Meredith. The First Plot comicbooks.com