Life — April 5, 1923 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE The Secrets of Washington Sounder Announces Sensational Memoirs by Mrs. S. ow ASHINGTON, April 3rd— There is no denying that woman has become the determining factor in politics. The statesman whose wife cannot turn out a vol- ume or two of indiscreet memoirs each year might just as well pack up right off and go back to the folks at home; his political career is doomed; he’s a back number. Mrs. Sounder I am happy to say, has not failed me in my need. When I think of what that dear little woman has done for me, in my long political career— the babies she has kissed; the count- less campaign photographs she has posed for, at the dish-pan or the clothesline; the delegations of camp- fire girls she has received—words fail me. But No Support she has given me surpasses the diary, which will soon be given the world. Not a friend she fails to offend; not an official she fails to disparage; not a secret, no matter whose, she fails to reveal. The perfect political mem- oirs! I quote at random from the pages of her invaluable work: Jan. 25th. Official Washington is very much upset to-day because the sixteen members of the commit- . tee who were getting up the garden party to raise money for the women and children of Latvia (wherever that may be—S. says it’s in the Balkans, but I doubt it) suddenly went and committed suicide. It’s too bad. Of course, a few committee members more or less don’t matter in Washington, but they’ll have to postpone the garden party and that’s going to upset the whole social cal- endar. ae Jan. 26th. Everyone is wondering why they did it. Mrs. B.,the Senator’s wife has Sounder insisted heard that they had taken in $4857.22 and wore themselves out trying to divide it evenly by sixteen. S. main- tains they had got hold of some poor bootleg stuff. (T'll have to ask him how he knows so much about _ boot- leggers, by the way. I’ve noticed he’s been staying out pretty late with some excuse about night ses- sions for the Ship Subsidy Bill. A lot of the Sena- tors’ wives are getting suspicious of that bill.) eK Feb. 2nd. Had a chat with Mr. Coolidge at dinner at the Wardman Park. He was all upset because he had lost his memorandum pad; he knew that he had five dinners to at- tend that night, but didn’t know where they were, and was afraid that international complications would result if he didn’t show up. He looks poorly; Vice-Presidential eating is beginning to tell on him. * eK Feb. 4th. I have the real story of the sixteen committee members. Mrs. M. told me. They’d been arranging Mrs. Sounder, wife of the Senator, at work on her sensational memoirs. that the geloshes were his own. the list of patronesses and were try- ing to figure out how to put Mrs. Secretary Z.’s mame ahead of Mrs. Senator B.'s, and after Mrs. Ambassador Q.’s, which hadto follow Mrs. Sen- ator B.’s. These details count in Washington, you know, and the committee chose the only honor- able way out. ** * Feb. 18th. To luncheon at the White House. Led by the Presi- dent we voted the apple pie “some pie,” but as a rule I don’t like cof- feewith my meals. S. spoiled an otherwise pleasant oc- casion by starting off home with the Austrian Ambassador’s — galoshes on and insisting that they were his own. Always the dumb-bell ! * eK March 1st. There’s a good deal of talk about the way a lot of official people are grafting on the govern- ment for free flowers, free autos, free music for their parties. If you happen to know someone up in the War Department you can even get free officers assigned to your dance. Mrs. Senator Z. told me on high authority that the young lieutenant who is going marry the oldest X. girl—the fat one, you know—had been detailed to the duty by the War Department. It seems a reasonable explana- tion at that. These Excerpts give, of course, only the faintest suggestion of the merit of Mrs. Sounder’s look. Yet they show, I think, that she can do as much for me as any of the other diarists have done for their husbands. Sounder. GuYAS WILLIAMS comicbooks.com