Life, 1923-03-15 · page 13 of 36
Life — March 15, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece mocks the early 20th-century health fad of calorie and vitamin counting. The poem depicts personified calories and vitamins as competing entities in an absurd "war," arguing over which provides better nutrition. A large man overeats ("a round of steak, a plate of pie"), then the calories and vitamins "fought a dietetic fight and died"—satirizing the contemporary obsession with nutritional science. The joke targets trendy health debates of the era, when newly-discovered vitamins were revolutionizing nutrition theory. The punchline warns against obsessing over either calories *or* vitamins alone, suggesting people should simply eat sensibly rather than get caught up in pseudo-scientific dietary fads. The animal illustrations below appear decorative rather than integral to the satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
> LIFE War of the Calories and Vitamins HUNDRED thousand calories were gathered in a steak. “Do you suppose,” said one of them, “that we could ever G y make The energy a man can get by eating layer cake?” “T doubt it,” said a vitamin; and even as he spake, A hundred thousand vitamins were gathered in a pie. “Do you suppose,” said one of them, a twinkle in his eye, “That we could give the kick one finds within a quart of rye?” “T doubt it,” said the calorie, “but wait till by and by.” A man of large dimensions, with a roomy, vacant stare, Came rolling in the restaurant and sank upon a chair. “A round of steak, a plate of pie, I’m hungry as a bear!” (And this was loud because his lungs were very full of air.) ' Down went the steak, the pie went down, the man was satisfied. A hundred thousand calories with gastronomic pride Then boldly faced the vitamins—(all this on the inside) ; “O life and force! O life and health! O energy!” they cried. And then they up and fought a dietetic fight and died. A hundred thousand calories within a trice were slain, A hundred thousand vitamins did crack beneath the strain; YG “I forgot to ask you to come to my camp-fire picnic—will you come?” “It’s too late now. I prayed for a blizzard!” (Which is by way of saying that the man did writhe in pain, And that if you would eat to live and live to eat again, Take calories or vitamins but never mix the twain!) D. M. Porcupine: You poor simp, why do you let people carve their initials on your back? comicbooks.com