Life — March 1, 1923 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ding! Dong! The silver chimes that tolled O’er the churchyard grim and old Sprung a flaw in the A-flat bell. Then up jumped the dead And unanimously said, “You ‘ain't done right by our knell.” —S. H. A., in New York World. Too Good to Lose The story is told that one of the examiners in a certain school was ac- costed by the athletic coach. “If you please, sir,” he began, “there are two splendid fellows on the foot- ball team—" “Now, stop,” said the professor severely; “if you want to ask me to pass these boys, who have flunked their examinations, just because they are good athletes, I refuse absolutely. There's been—” “No, sir; no, sir,” hurriedly inter- rupted the petitioner. “It’s just the other way. They're such brilliant stu- dents that I wanted to beg you to make them flunk, so that we could keep them for another year.” —Columbia (S.C.) State. Ina Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE Off to the Sales A woman, evidently very hurried and flurried, got into an omnibus the other day, and she was hailed by a friend near the door. “Sit down,” up a place. “Oh, really, dear, I can't,” said the flurried woman, “I haven't time. I am going to the station and I've only just time to catch the train.” —Weekly Telegraph (London), Couldn’t Classify Her VittacGe CLuswoMan: What sort of person is this newcomer, Mrs. Blank? Seconp Ditto: Well, we can't just make out whether she’s a nobody flying high or a somebody lying low. —Boston Transcript. said the friend, moving NAIA Ready-to-wear DRESS LININGS The modern dressmak- ing convenience. For new gowns or making over old ones, Distinc- tive and refined work- manship, Perfect fitting. Silk, Net, Nainsook and Messaline. All _ sizes. Long waists and Stylish Stouts, 50c to $1.25. THE C. E CONOVER CO. Manafacturers 101 Franklin St.,NewYork Made by the makers 0; NAIA DRESS. SHIELDS Swedes, in Black, id Squirrel Grey lack Three Versions The wealth of colors and shades in our language is a never- ending source of wonder. Speaking of a young man who has lost his position, the old home paper say “Mr. Jones has resigned his place with Smith Company to take a more lucrative position, which will be announced later.” His old boss says: “Mr. Jones was discharged for in- competency.” Mr. Jones himself says: “I got the gate ‘cause the general man- ager seen 1 was a comer and got jealous."—Kansas City Star. A Steady Worker Frienp oF THE House (to little nboy) : Tell me, little man, what is your sister's sweetheart? Little Ms I don’t understand. FRieND oF THE House: Well, do you know what his occupation is? Littte Man: Oh, yes, sir. Kissing my sister. —Buen Humor (Madrid) Simulations “A man in your position must be able to keep his temper.” “Sometimes,” replied Senator Sor- ghum, “and at others he must pretend to be angry when he really isn’t, —Washington Star. Tue Soviet Government has decided to publish nineteen volumes written by Lenin. What a country!—Punch. Brocade, with _ top, bands "and Louis f Kid Often the Way es,” said the gentleman who was showing a stranger about the great city, “our public library contains 100,- 000 reference books.” “Must be helpful “Well, I don't know. I fear we refer to that fact more than we do to the books.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. A Higher Court “The dictionary,” stated the eminent lawyer solemnly, “disagrees with my spelling of this word.” “In that case,” suggested the equally eminent colleague, “take an appeal to the encyclopedia.” —Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. EUROPE Frank’s De Luxe Tours have no equal. ‘The personal attention we giv: _ fusrantees your greatest comfor! are one of the oldest travel organization: In the world. 48 years catering to the travel ling public ‘and in Burope assure our guests many benents Moderate Price and De Pata Tours. Early ‘veemvatom, bar advantages. Frank Tourist Co. (Established 1875) " 489 Sth Ave.. New York 219 South 15th St., Philadelphia comicbooks.com