Life — February 1, 1923 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

January To the sempstress this morning with the silk oun and lace from which I was so zealous last week to fashion lingerie, but it is good husbandry to let her complete it, forasmuch as the bias folds I made looked like cables to drag the Majestic to dock. . . . My husband, poor wretch, hav- ing asked me to devote this day to him without naming his purpose, I did agree, and we to an inn for luncheon, of consommé, crab flakes and salad, all very fine, save that the crab retained small pieces of shell, which was not handsome. So ill served, though, that when the waiter thanked Sam for his generous fee, Sam did say, Don’t mention it, you clumsy oaf! in a low tone, but not, I greatly feared, low enough. Thence to Sam’s barrister chambers, to my astonishment, and he did sit me down in a chair and read aloud to me the argument for the great case over which he hath been at such pains of late. And as he read, I was secretly stirred with pride for his adroitness in the world of affairs, albeit he doth act at home sometimes as if he had been dropped on his head when an in- fant. And when he had done, he looked at me searchingly and asked if I had grasped it. Perfectly, I replied, and he said, Thank God! Then any judge can understand it! January At my correspondence all 28th the morning until Jane (ord’s Day) Davies arrived for lunch- eon with us, and she did tell me of a controversy in which she is in- volved, and I shocked to realize again what a partisan I am, for Lord! how frequently do I find my- self roused to indignation against persons whom I do not know and over matters which do not concern me soever. . . .Kate Mitchell for tea, and when she told me how she had been ailing of late, I did commend to her a chirurgeon who can cure her malady with dispatch, but she would none of him. And when I offered her some aspirin tablets for her headache, she inquired minutely as to the nature of the drug, as if she suspected me of dosing her with hemlock. . . .This day did my ser- vant Emilie begin to part my hair on the side. January Lay late, and then to a 29th lecture on the popular writers of our day, and in stressing the magnificence of their remuneration, the speaker did point out how Poe sold The Raven for only ten dollars, which, methinks, is more than it was worth. . . .All the afternoon at whist with Marge Boothby and two others at. the Pasteboard Club, and my servant Virgie did telephone me that there was a great fire in our neighborhood but I did not go home to see it for- asmuch as I never went to a con- flagration in my life which wasn’t out when I arrived on the scene. Mr. Foster, the card expert, was there, and I did ask him about a point in Russian Bank, and was greatly cheered to learn that I have been right and K. Mitchell wrong. . . . These days do I have great dif- ficulty in getting to sleep, my mind being so filled with pleasant material for thought. B. E. An Ultimatum EFORE I send more stuff to Lire, One thing I'd like to know: What do you read—the article, Or just the name below? Quite frequently I see some things As aimless as can be, Yet I suppose they’re used because They're written by D. P. Now lines by J. K. M., no doubt, Mean quite a lot to you; But would you print a one of them If signed by P. D. Q.? At certain times, Will quips Are humorous, but still, Be honest—would you buy them from Another soul but Will? Then there’s that weekly diary, No doubt you know it well; Could any one get by with that Except your friend B. L.? Rogers I've tried to sell you lots of stuff But ere I try again, I hope some one will take the time Your system to explain. For what I’ve seen so far, I fear, Has made me almost sure You cannot see a joke until You've seen the signature. A.L..A Suggested Local Branches for the K. K. K. The Watchmakers’-—The Ku Klox Klan. The Autosuggestionists—The Coué Klux Klan. The Detectives——The Klue Kiux Klan. The Gossips’-—The Ku Klax Klan The Egg and Poultry Dealers’—The Klux Klux Klux. The Prohibitionists’-—The Blue Klux Klan. The Flappers’-—The Cute Klux Klan. The Billiardists—The Cue Klux Klan. The Automobilists—The - Klaxon Klaxon Klaxon. The Blacksmiths——The Ku Klank. The Furnace Tenders’-—The Koal Klux Klinder. B.1. Klux Sweet Younc Tune (looking up from market reports her glance has happened on): Dad, did par go up any on the Exchange today? comicbooks.com