Life — January 11, 1923 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

January My heart exceeding 6th heavy all morning over the casting up of my ac- counts, and mayhap I must use Sam’s Christmas cheque to make myself solvent instead of for the bauble at the jeweller’s on which I had set my heart. . . .To luncheon at an inn with Marge Boothby, and when mashed potatoes came with my flounder Dinard instead of the Juli- ennes prophesied by the headwaiter, I felt like having the law on the establishment. . . .To the matinee of a piece called “Rain,” first rate throughout, and the South Seas set- tings did make me long for a habitat in some remote country, away from taxicabs and telephones and the fi- nancial aftermath of Christmas, al- beit were I given one I should prob- ably quit it in a few hours. . . .To dinner with the Wainwrights, and thence to the Montmartre for danc- ing, and I struck with the pathetic ef- forts of the patrons to be gay at any price, which in this case was considerable, and was reminded of Mrs. Browning’s statement that a holiday of miserable men is sadder than a burial day of kings. January My depression continu- 7th ing, I fared forth to seek (Lord’s Day)comfort from divine ser- vice, but Lord! the clergyman’s theme was the bearing of one another’s burdens, and I in no mood to increase my own _ load, and with no heart to impose any of it even on a foe. And so home to ‘consult the horoscope which Miss Adams writ for me, and decided, with Brutus, that the fault lay in me, not in my stars, foras- much as one passage stated that my every aspect, however adverse, was blessed with those mitigating circum- stances which the world calls “luck.” Greatly cheered thereby. . . .To sup- per at Gwen Grey’s and found her new apartment, done by a decorator, full of tin and feather flowers, with innumerable candle-flanked _ tables placed precisely under mirrors. And in one large dish of wax fruit I did behold a pair of grape scissors, which, methought, was holding the mirror up to nature with a vengeance. January Early up, and very 8th wroth, upon unwrapping the Decameron I ordered for Sam's birthday, to find the edi- tion all wrong. Whereupon I posted it back to the bookseller, knowing full well that Sam would ill relish a Boccaccio pruned of his piquant indelicacies. ...To a draper’s to search for cretonnes, and saw there a piece of eyelet-embroidered serge which so fascinated me that I bought it, albeit God knows I do not need any more apparel. Nor did I men- tion it to Sam, neither, he being suf- ficiently impressed with my lack of thrift to threaten tying me to a trust fund to prevent my dying in the workhouse. . . .Nina Lockwood, who has been in Europe these five years, to tea with me, her face so empty and unlined that I could not swallow her accounting for the two scars beneath her ears with the tale of a motor accident. The face spe- cialist who cut away her wrinkles must have removed her sense of humor at the same time, for I hear . that she now attempts to pass her child Lydia off as her step-daughter. It isn’t only conscience that makes some of us cowards, B. L. Not for Publication (A Drama of Business Methods In One Act) Scene: Office of a theatrical pro- ducer. Time: Afternoon. Characters: Newspaper reporter; theatrical producer. Propucer: And you may also say for me that I am utterly opposed to collusion between managers and speculators in the sale of theatre tickets. It is a traffic which, I be- lieve, strikes a blow at the vitals of the theatre. It must be wiped out. I want the public to know that I will do my utmost to end it, so be sure to get that into your story of this interview. Make it as strong as you can. Emphasize it. Say that I brand it as an iniquitous practice. I think that will be about all I have to say, young man. Glad to have met you and if there is anything I can do for you at any time— ReEporTER: Well, I’ve been trying for the last two weeks to buy a pair of tickets for “Scrambled Eggs” and if you could fix it at the box office so that I can get them for Thurs- day night— Propucer: You know we're solid out for six weeks ahead, but— (Breaks off and lifts phone receiver off hook. Speaks into instrument.) Miss Kerry! ’Phone Maury’s Ticket Agency and tell them to send back two tickets down front for “Scrambled Eggs” for Thursday. Yes, that’s right. The name is Blone Mister Blone. (Turns to reporter.) All right, young man. They'll be at the box office in your name any time you want to pick them up. Good afternoon. (Curtain) J.K.M. For a Wise Child CT as you will to nurse and maid; To stand bad treatment they’re well paid. But if you’re wise, by hook or crook Keep in the graces of the cook. Then, when your parents do you hurt By saying “No! No more dessert!” You can slip quietly downstairs, Where “Darling Cook” will draw up chairs, And you will find yourself in clover, Eating the best of what’s left over. Always be kind and generous to Those who may be of use to you. G. K. D. comicbooks.com