Life — December 7, 1922 — page 38: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE Why Did He Druid? A Mistletotally Different Kind of Christmas Story € EAVER!” The rich, high baritone voice of Etaoin Shrdlu, the Beauti- ful Boy Briton, rang through the still air. His tapering forefinger pointed at. the venerable beard of Wauf, the greatest Druid of them all. It was a terrible moment. “Seize that man!” cried Wauf in an awful (He had a bad voice. cold.) Thirty minutes later Etaoin Shrdlu was chained to a stump in the Sacred Oak Wood and left. Bitterly he re- considered the whim which had brought on the wrath of the head Druid. He was, he reflected, decidedly out of luck. II “Oh Etaoin!” Slim and lovely against the sinister background of the mystic oaks, stood little Cwympf, daughter of Wauf, the head Druid. She loved Shrdlu with all her maiden heart. “Oh Etaoin,” she said, “whatever made you get “That woman,” said Shrdlu, “gets on my nerves. I wish she would let me alone.” He might get funny with her fath- er but he was ever true to Cwympf. Ballade of Ye Loute and Ye Mushye Knyghte thoughtless loute sate onne a walle A horsemanne rode beneathe; He mockethe ye magpye’s cherry calle By y-whustlinge throe hys teethe. “All her notes are as bad,” agreed Shrdlu. “She is not sure of c-a-t, cat.” “That gives me an idea,” said Cwympf in a thoughtful voice. She was a clever minx, IV It was the day of Shrdlu’s punishment. In the great amphitheatre of the Druids, all was con- fusion. Instructed by Cwympi, Shrdlu had demanded an obscure right—the to call his own enchant- ment. Bravely, he had demanded the spell of the Seven Owls and the Bloody Moon. It was the most terrible one known to Druidry the least used and the most difficult to perform Glooba, savagely aware of these facts and -sus- pecting trickery, had done her best. But her best was not good enough. Nothing had happened. As the disappointed crowd surged angrily about, Etaoin and Cwympf seized a handful Ye sounde smote sweete ye horsemanne’s eare, And didde hys hearte enthralle With thoughts of home and childrene deare, And caused yetteare to falle. Vv In an open boat, head ed north-northeast, sat Shrdlu with Cwympf, his sweetheart. “Thanks to your clev- erness, my darling,” he said, “we are safe. But oh, when I called for Glooba to perform the of sacred mistletoe for protection and escaped fresh with Father? To- morrow there will be a great assemblage. You shall be enchanted.” “Tt sounds pleasant,” admitted Shrdlu. “Don’t misunderstand me. I mean Father has ordered you to be turned into something horrible. At present your fate hangs between a_fish- faced basilisk and a rank “Thy simple songe, oh simple pye, Doth touch my soule,” he cryde; “It is no pye—pardie, ‘tis I!” Ye loute declayrd with pryde. Thusse rude awakkened fromme hys trance, Ye knighte with angrye shoute, Didde brak his lance upon ye pants Of yt ille-mannyrd loute. acré of pokeweed. Oh! Oh! Oh!” Etaoin Shrdlukissed her tenderly. He, too, loved. Ill At that moment, an arrow came whistling through the air and fell at the feet of the two lovers. Attached to the arrow was a note from Glooba, the Vampire Druid- ess. She also loved Etaoin Shrdlu, the Beautiful Boy Briton. Together they opened and read the note. “Bewtifull Boy,” it said, “the caste- ing of the enchantement has fallen to me. Now thou wilt be all mine own. I love thee deaply, pashunately. . . Evver thy Groosa.” “What frightful orthography,” said Cwympf, simply. spell of the Seven Owls and the Bloody Moon were you not afraid for the outcome?” “I knew she would not succeed,’ said Cwympf, simply. “How did you know ?” asked Etaoin “It was obvious from her letter,” said Cwympf, blushing slightly, “that Glooba is a terribly bad speller.” Tenderly the lovers embraced. Life—for Etaoin and Cwympf—was just beginning. H.W. H. comicbooks.com