Life — November 23, 1922 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Coffee in the Bean The Throes of Creation (Among Those Who Care Not Who Writes the Nation’s Laws) cene: Alley. Motif: Words by Phil Lest. Music by Ted Mentz. An Office in Tin Pan Lest: Gotta push a noo number out. Ol’ Man wants sumpin’ with senniment. You know. “Mother Machree” stuff. (Sings softly.) “Shu-u-r-e I lo-o-o-v-e th’ de-uh sil-vuh.” (Breaks off.) Boy, that was a knockout. Ernie Ball made a pile on that one. Mentz: Suttanly had a lyric. Suttanly did. If I onny had a lyric like that I could pound out a melody that would have ’em cryin’ in their hats. Jes’ gimme one like that, onct. Lest: Well, lemme see. ( Thinks.) How’s this? Mother, me darling, your eyes are like pearls, And your words are like music to me. That’s th’ stuff they want. Good, clean sentiment with a kick an’ a sob in it. Write that down, Mentz. Now, what rhymes with poils? Mentz: Coils? Lest: Naw! That rhymes with goils. (Thinks again.) I got it. Oils. Now how we gonna work that in? Mentz: Say sumpin’ about dig- gin’ wells an’ makin’ a fortune. Lest: You poor dumbbell. Not that kind of Oils. The kind that sits in a pinochle game with th’ king. Nobles. Dukes. Counts. Lords. Sirs. Mentz: Oh, yeh! Lest: Here. Write this. tates.) Though I’ve danced Over There with the daughters of earls. See! That’s th’ line. He’s been Over There an’ he’s a highbrow. He twists an’ twirls with them society dames in Yurope. Write this, too: There are none half as classy as thee. (Dic- Mentz: That’s th’ stuff, kid, That'll knock “em fer a ghoul. Lest: Grab this: Shure, your smile is as fair as the break of the day. Mentz: I got one fer you, kid, Good topical stuff. (Recites.) An’ you suttanly. kin make some brew. See! Comedy relief. Lest: Lay offa that low comedy stuff in this. (Slowly.) Here's th’ next coupla lines: And I'll let all the other girls go. As long as you're with me, I'll be there to say— Mentz: Say sumpin’ about pray- ers at his mother’s knees. You know , that kinda hokum. Lest: Yeh! We'll work that in th’ voice. This here’s th’ chorus an’ I got th’ last line. (Dramatically.) You're the one little sweetheart I know. Now, read that, will ya? MEnTz (with fervor) : Mother, me darling, your eyes are like pearls, And your words are like music to me; Though I’ve danced Over There with the daughters of earls, There are none half as classy as thee; Shure, your smile is as fair as the break of the day, And I'll let all the other girls go; As long as yow’re with me, I'll be there to say, You're the one little sweetheart I know. Lest: Howzat? Mentz: A riot, kid; a_ riot. They’ll need drain pipes in th’ aisles when they hear that one. (Hums tune. Sits at piano and begins to play.) J.K.M. November Wuen you came by this way, Somehow, the day Put sudden sunshine on Above the gray. The passing of your footstep light Made all the dreary morning bright; November laughed like May When you came by this way. J. B. H. THEATRE-GOER: Have you two seats down front for to-night? Ticker SpecuLator: Yes, Sif, Third row. Only eighteen dollars, sir. THEATRE-GOER: Must be some mistake. I wanted to buy seats in the theatre, not the stock exchange. comicbooks.com