Life — August 31, 1922 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ss Whispers to Wives As to the Head of the House HEN the fine old masterful man was in fashion he ac- cepted Household Lordship as hav- ing been handed down to him straight from Heaven. A wife of those day with meekly parted hair, sat submi sive beside him and heard him give own orders to trembling retainers. This was the period when, with his foot upon his massive hearth-rug, and his back absorbing all the fire, a gentleman might have called himself MacGregor, or anything else he pleased, without fear of contradic- tion. He affects nowadays, particularly in America, to have been superseded. With the gesture of a Cyrano he turns over the household affairs to “the Missus,” “the lady-wife,” .“the little woman,” to—in fact—Mrs. MacGregor. He pretends this is be- cause the battle-ground of business calls him, as Chieftain, from the peace of home-bowers. The real fact is that office-life is full of lovely leisure and ministered to by sweet girl graduates, while running a house has become a giant’s task. : Mrs. MacGregor assumes it be- cause she must. Full well, however, does the dauntless creature know the tricks and manners of her . spouse. She is aware that he leaves affairs to her only in so far as to make her a shield and buckler between him and trouble. It is now her lot to deal with retainers who, far from trembling themselves, produce trembling in others; with domestic conditions which are ever more conditional and less domestic. To her, of course, MacGregor still plays the Chieftain. “Tell that con- founded woman to put some starch in my evening shirts! I'd speak to her myself, but I’m afraid of losing my temper,” says he. “Certainly, dear,” says she, knowing that at first sight of the laundress (a stout, red- dish female with a fiery eye) he would indeed lose every atom of temper. So, simulating his awe-in- spiring authority for purposes of in- timidation, as the Japanese put on horrible masks to alarm their ene- mies, she deals with the soapsuds’ Queen. And while that good woman goes off murmuring, “The Master must be a Holy Terror,” the initiated know that Mrs. MacGregor, with clammy hands, is only wishing to the Lord he would be! C.D. Another Way of Saying “Loafing” I got fired from the boiler y to-day. Jim: Why? Tim: Oh, the boss said I didn’t make enough noise. Tim: facto: A Russian Child’s Truck Garden of Verses Bed in Summer N winter I gét up at night And dress in case of sudden flight. In summer, quite the other way, I hide behind the bed and pray. I hide behind the bed in faith No Bolshevik will do me scathe, The while the dum-dum bullets fleet Go whining past me in the street And does it not seem hard to you This misery I must go through? I'd much prefer my humble lot Were that of any heedless tot. A Thought It is very nice to think How other folks have meat and drink Though thinking, when you haven't food, Is not so very, very good. Rain The rain is raining all around, A hail of bullets fine, And if I don’t stay underground I'll probably get mine. Happy Thought Our land is so full of a number of Reds, I’m sure we are fortunate still to have heads. Bombs I saw you blow the kikes on high, And toss the mujiks to the sky; And all around I heard the crash Of buildings gone to utter smash O bombs exploding all day long, O bombs that decimate the throng I saw the ruin that you wrought, The works of men you set at naught. I felt your blast, I heard your blare. You sent me sailing through:the air— O bombs. exploding: all day long, O bombs that decimate the throng. O you who only can obey Your masters, tell me, who are they? Are they strange beasts, unchained and free, ” Or children not so wise as me? O bombs.exploding all day long, O bombs that decimate the-throng. HW. F. comicbooks.com