Life — August 31, 1922 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Continuous music. Bub- bling gayety; sparklin, lifer Coc, eeching | } on the roth floor of |The BILTMORE | The Poor Fish Strong language mars a poet's lays, Yet I must say pooh-pooh and pish To him who coined that senseless phrase, “Poor fish.” “Poor fish,” indeed. What happier lot For harried mortal could there be— To tenant some sub-aqueous grot Rent free! Where bill collectors can not pass; Where weather forecasts never change ; “Continued wet” foretelling all Their range. “Poor fish!” He snaps his fins at dress, Golf jackets, sacks and swallow tails; Nor stays in bed the while they press His scales. x ok # Rich fish! While envying his days, So blessed with all the heart could wish, I dub the maker of the phrase Poor fish—Toronto Weekly Star. LIFE : Football with a Golden Text Little Earl, aged three, lived near a certain college campus, and he was much excited last fall over the football games. One day he placed a football that had been given him between his sturdy legs and leaned over it as he had seen the centre do. Then for a moment he was stumped. He knew that the play- ers called out something before the ball was put into play, but he had no idea what it was. All he could think of was his Sunday-school text; so he called out, “Be ye kind one to another—go!” and gave the ball a vigorous punch. —Youth’s Companion. No Cloud Pusher “How high are we now?” asked the timorous passenger. “About 4,000 feet,” said the aviator. “I haven't begun to climb yet.” I don’t know whether or not I men- tioned it before we hopped off,” quav- ered the passenger, “but I’m not at all ambitious."—Birmingham Age-Herald. In a Pinch, use ALLEN'’S FOOT-EASE Ornithological Note We hear of a pair of robins that have nested within a few feet of a black- smith’s anvil. Their extraordinary in- telligence told them that to nest on the anvil itself would be to risk having their eggs smashed.—Punch, No Economist CLerK (trying for a raise): I can’t live on my salary, sir. Empioyer: Well, I’m sorry to hear that. I was about to promote you to the head of our economy department. ~ —Boston Transcript. VERMONT APPLES with the Flavor the Hills | Sure Relief FOR INDIGESTION 25¢ ano 75¢ PACKAGES EVERYWHERE False Alarm Down along the Miami River in Florida the natives are not usually easily scared, but one night the conver. sation turned to spirit manifestations and one man spoke up: “Don’t believe in them,” he stated, “but I did once. One night I wakes up in my cabin and hears somethin’ sloosh- in’ across the floor. Spooks, | thinks It was so creepy-like. Scared? Well, I reckon. But I gets the nerve to crawl out of bed an’ to light a match and then I'm cert'nly plumb ashamed of myself an’ I ain’t never believed in spirits since. “Why, it weren't nothin’ in the world except jest a big, common, mean, sneaky rattlesnake.” —American Legion Weekly, Etiquette Extraordinary Tommy's mother gave him a_book on etiquette instead of the usual Robin- Crusoe. It thereafter became a pretty frag- ment of English home life until Tomay’s sister, in attempting to leave the room one day, found herself clutched by the hand and flung violently backwards in- to the coal scuttle. “You ignorant little beast,” protested Tommy, “don’t you know that a gentle- man should open the door for you?” —Weekly Telegraph (London). A True Native Son The San Francisco man was speak- ing. “I do not believe in all this ‘boost’ business,” he said. “There is too much brag about it. Especially I do not be- lieve in running down other cities, other parts of the country. We should not do it. It is not modest and is likely to arouse jealousy. But I will say this much for San Francisco. Wherever you go from here it is worse.” Grower to consumer direct | Samples and prices on request SCOTT FARM BRATTLEBORO, VERMONT, EUROPEAN TRAVEL. WITH TUTORS PREPARATORY, COLLEGE OR POST-GRADUATE COURSE. . Winter in Florence, and Rome; month in Paris; | month in England; two months of travel. Strict | chaperonage. Limited to 20 Protestant girls, ages 14 to 25. Conducted by Miss Elizabeth Per- | sons, A, B, Wells College; A. M. Johns Hopkins | University (in art and archeology). Experienced | teachers. High class throughout. ‘A year of study and travel in Europe doubles | the interests of lite for your daughter and equals two years in College. For curriculum of studies, . E, Persons, D.D., Annapoli —Argonaut. A Poser A kindly-looking old gentleman, was stopped by a very little girl carrying a parcel. : “Please, sir,” she said politely, “is this the second turning to the left?” —Tit-Bits (London) Marriep Man (to friend): You bachelors don’t feel comfortable either at home or when you're away. Get married and you'll at least feel com fortable when you're away. —Sondags-Nisse (Stockholm). “FOR THE WIND IS IN THE PALM TREES—” “Shay, policeman, is it a fact the buses have stopped runnin’ from the Bank to Mandalay?” —Bert Thomas, in The Sketch (London). “He's an excellent driver.” “Auto, golf, or charity fund?” —Detroit Free Press. ss Rev. ‘THE CAREY PRINTING CO. Inc. ‘Now YORK comicbooks.com