Life — July 20, 1922 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ZZ: VANES MONTOONERY FLAGS Reminiscent An Airman called out in the night, “I've missed North America quite!” “You're on the right track,” The other yelled back, “It’s that dry little spot on the right!” The Tariff Unmasked ioe us get this tariff thing cleared up, once and for all. An ex- planation is due the American people, and obviously this is the place to make it. Viewing the whole thing, schedule by schedule, we find it indefensible. In hedule A alone the list of necessities on which the tax is to be raised includes Persian berries, extract of nutgalls and isinglass. Take isinglass. With prices shoot- ing up in this market, what is to become of our picture post-cards? Where once for a nickel you could get a picture of the Woolworth Building ablaze with lights with the sun setting and the moon rising in the background, under the proposed tariff it will easily set you back fifteen cents. This is all very well for the rich who can get their picture post-cards at wholesale, but how are the poor to get their art? The only justifiable increase in this schedule is on “blues, in pulp, dried, etc.” If this will serve to re- duce the amount of “Those Lone- some-Ownsome-Wonesome Blues” and “I’ve Got the Left-All-Alone-in- the-Magazine-Reading-Room-of-the- Public-Library Blues” with which our popular song market has been flooded for the past five years, we could almost bring ourself to vote for the entire tariff bill as it stands. Schedule B Here we find a tremendous in- crease in the tax on grindstones. Householders and travelers in gen- eral do not appreciate what this means. It means that, next year, when you are returning from Europe, you will have to pay a duty on those Dutch grindstones that you always bring back to the cousins, a duty which will prohibit the importation of more than three. This will lead to an orgy of grindstone smuggling, making it necessary for hitherto re- spectable people to become law- breakers by concealing grindstones about their clothing and in their trunks. Think this over. Schedule C Right at the start of this list we find charcoal bars being boosted. Have our children no rights? What is a train-ride with children without Hershey’s charcoal bars? Or gypsum. What is more pic- turesque on a ride through the coun- try-side than a band of gypsum en- camped by the road with their bright colors and gay tambourine playing? Are these simple folk to be kept out simply because a Republican tariff insists on raising the tax on gypsum? Schedule D A way to evade the injustice of this schedule is in the matter of marble slabs. “Marble slabs, rubbed” are going to cost more to import than “marble slabs, unrubbed.” What we are planning to do in this office is to get in a quantity of unrubbed marble slabs and then rub them our- selves. A coarse, dry towel is very good for rubbing, they say. Any further discussion of the de- tails of this iniquitous tariff would only enrage us to a point of inco- herence. Perhaps a short list of some of the things you will have to do without will serve to enrage you also: Senegal gum, buchu leaves, lava tips for burners, magic lantern strips spiegeleisen, nut washers, butchers’ skewers and gun wads. Now write to your Congressman ! R. C. B. Stagnant Water STOOD shivery— Pleasantly expectant Upon the brink of the pool of your friendship ; It looked deep and cool and tempt- ing— “Come and dive in!” you cried. “Float happily upon the bosom of it. Seek its depths, You will be sure to find exactly what you want, For it is filled with all the mysteries of the deep!” I looked down into the depths And saw little gold and silver fishes of your thoughts Darting here and there .. . Oh, I wanted to play with them so badly ! So I dived... Now I cannot blame you, As I nurse my bruises; For you did not know yourself That the pool of friendship you of- fered me Was only three feet deep! M. C.L. comicbooks.com