Life, 1922-06-08 · page 25 of 34
Life — June 8, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical poem mocks Will Hays, newly appointed to regulate Hollywood's moral standards, as a self-righteous crusader. The piece parodies a revival meeting, depicting Hays leading major film figures (D.W. Griffith, Charlie Chaplin, Douglas Fairbanks, Mary Pickford) through Hollywood like a religious conversion campaign, "purging" the industry of moral corruption. The satire targets the censorship apparatus itself—particularly Hays's efforts to impose stricter content controls and his alliance with press censors against "German films." The accompanying cartoons (showing slapstick chaos) underscore the joke: the industry's actual content remains wild and anarchic despite Hays's sanctimonious intervention. The author (S.K., likely Samuel Koenig) ridicules both Hays's moral authority and Hollywood's hypocritical acceptance of it, suggesting the "salvation" is merely theatrical performance masking unchanged behavior beneath.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
P Boom, boc | All the directors with their shiny puttees, } Ten thousand cuties with dimpled knees. E Hallelujah! cried the guard of marines, } Pounding out the chorus on their tambourines— Postmaster-General Will Hays Enters Into Hollywood (In the Manner but Without the Connivance of Vachel Lindsay) The audience is to be taught how to simulate the sound of the bass drum, the tambourines, the lions and other audible properties. Let the speaker main- tain a sonorous pontifical tone throughout. AYS came first, with a guard of marines. (Are you saved, Dave Griffith, are you Hallelujah! cried the actorines. (Are you aved, Charlie Chaplin, are you saved?) saved?) Then came the cowboys, swaying in their saddles, Then the comedians, a-swinging of their paddles; Handsome heroes with their hair pomaded Marched behind the General, strutted and paraded. F (Are you saved, Mack Sennett, are you saved?) Hays came first with his teeth shining white, Beating the bass drum with all his might. (Are you saved, Bill Hart, are you saved?) Boom, boom, boom-boom-boom ! 1, boom-boom-boom ! Zing, zing, zing-zing-zing ! as | Prominent producers, plutocrats, egister nd. the Domi- re the or, a 1 him. orable owing Wearing little haloes on their tall silk hats— (Are you saved, Doug Fairbanks, are you saved?) They marched into Hollywood, beating on their drums, Right through the harem scenes, right through the slums, Right across the desert with the camels and the sand, ) Tambourines banging in the Promised Land! Zing! said the tambourines, zing! zing! zing! Zing, zing, zing-zing-zing! As Hays and his penitents started in to sing— (Are you saved, Mary Pickford, are you saved?) th se yh Mr ., “Ef I kin git dis millyam down dat “Chile, you hill 1 kin devour it unseen.” “Good Lawd! I hab visions ob trouble.” suttinly is “Zing—!!11 Bang! went the pistol of a Wild West sheriff, Shooting German films with a pro-tective tariff. Bang! went the rifles of the press sheet dispensers, Firing volleys at the ranks of the censors. Hays bore the banner, Hays beat the drum. (Are you saved, Charlie Ray, are you saved?) Hollywood basked in its copyrighted sun. (Are you saved, Tom Ince, are you saved?) Hollywood wondered what was being done. (Are you saved, Ben Turpin, are you saved?) Out from the bungalows the people came pouring, The comedy lions all came a-roaring— Gr-r. r-r! Vampire and villain, cave man and bum, Following the boom of the big bass drum. Boom, boom, boom-boom-boom ! Boom, boom, boom-boom-boom ! And they saw Will Hays and his sanctified band Raising their banner in the Promised Land; And they heard Will Hays in a voice like the sea, Shouting, thundering: “Listen to me! Listen to me!” His words were like flame, his words were like fire, His words purged Hollywood clean of mire, His words made’ ‘Hollywood whiter than the snow. And all of the people started in to sing, Started in to sing: “We are saved (boom, boom), We are saved (boom, boom), We are saved, Will Hays, we are saved!” S.K. showin’ Zowie!” “Dad blame him. He butt a pain inter my stummick, den eat de millyum his-sef.” comicbooks.com