Life — June 8, 1922 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Conductor: Old Lady: This train is making forty miles an hour, Madam. Now don’t try to fool me, young man. We've only been gone twenty minutes. After-Dinner Blackstone ss ERE you are, and here am I,” said the Lawyer, bending over the coffee cups and placing a pepper- shaker and a salt-cellar next to each other in the center of the table. “One moment,” I interrupted. “If I am to be the pepper, I insist on some- thing worthy of me.” I substituted paprika. “This knife is Forty-Second Street, and the fork is Broadwa: “Better an oyster fork?” I suggested. “At this point you ask me the way to the Aquarium, and I point north. You go north. My water glass is the Aquarium.” I meekly moved my _ pepper-shaker the length of the fork. “Which prong?” I said as I got to Columbus Circle. He placed a piece of celery beyond it, which he said was Riverside Drive, and I moved up that. “All right. You approach Grant's Tomb,” he said, putting an oil cruet in the path of my pepper-shaker, “and you try to get in. Now, what have you?” “French dressing,” I exclaimed tri- umphantly. “My point is this,” he continued, ig- noring me. “Are you attempting to get to the Aquarium?” “T am,” I said. “But how could you, Aquarium is downtown? when the You cannot attempt to get to a thing when it isn't there.” “As a matter of fact,” I said, “you absent-mindedly drank up most of the Aquarium, and the waiter has removed it to refill it. But I'll be decent... All right, then. I’m not.” “Not what?” Not attempting to get to the Aquar- ium.” “And why not?” he said gleefully. “You intended to get to the Aquarium, didn’t you? You've been trying to get there ever since my salt-cellar misdi- rected you way back at Times Square. You were attempting to get to the Aquarium all the way up Broadway. During the whole distance of this celery to the oil cruet you were attempting to get to the Aquarium, weren't you,” he said with a flourish, “or were you?” “Yes!” I said. “T mean, no!” I added. And I believe I had him, at that. C.F. Encouraging He Wuo Is Azout To Take It Up: Tell me. How long does it usually take a man to learn to play golf? He Wuo Has Given It Up: Well, for the first five or six months you play a pretty rotten game. After that you grow gradually worse. _ luxuriously against the upholst The Question Eternal ‘HE motor rolled smoothly along. Bess and Joe settled themselves 'Y, each sighing deeply in relief. A glance behind assured them that the group outside the door of t girlhood home was fading ra obscurity. The happy cou; that no rice had settled on th even the fear that it might hay alarm them greatly. The long months of prepar at an end. The strain of the « itself and the horrors of the reception were over. The sceds of romance that had been plante! almoy in childhood had reached fruition. No wonder they were happy. With a sigh, deeper than that relief which she had breathed « before, Bess turned to her hi three hours. In her eyes burned the light that has shone brightly since first maid turned her glance on hopeful man, “Do you remember that da Tre- mont's farm, Joe?” she asked. “That day when you fell in the cow pasture and got your new suit all covered with mud?” Joe lied gallantly. “You were about twelve, — then weren't you, dear?” his bride continued. “I was,” Joe answered. His heart throbbed faster with the remembrance of those innocent, carefree days of happy childhood, when he had romped with the little slip of a girl who had grown to womanhood and wifelhood at his side. “Well, tell me,” Bess pleaded, ani her husband thrilled to her every wort, “tell me why you kissed that aw little Smith girl thac afternoon.” 3 JLKM. bride's into hoped car, but © did not On Were remony wedding of mere moment band of Consolation OME ages hence, beyond a doubt, For learned men decree i Our sun will go completely out!” Don’t worry; you won't see it. “« “All men pursue Fortuna’s purse And madly strive to snatch i On gold there lies a taint, a cu Don’t worry; you won't catch it. “To you, whose hopes inspire iy lays Posterity, I deed them! Will unborn millions blame, or prai: Don’t worry; they won’t read them. A. G. ? comicbooks.com ‘a tek Fo st he rai he