Life — April 27, 1922 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TRADE wanK axe U8 PAT OFF, THE ORIGINAL WIDE Two Grips “E. Z. 2-GRIP” Are Better Than One The E. Z. 2-Grip Garter is so far ahead of any other, in real comfort and convenience, that the joy of wearing it can’t be described. Buy it and try it today. It’s a treat for your feet. E. Z. Garters are 35c to $1 everywhere in single grip (regular or adjustable) and the E. Z. 2-Grip. Made solely by The Thos. P. Taylor Co., Bridge- port, Conn. A GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE “The doctor tells me my pulse is too slow, but what difference does that make when you've got lots of time?” —Kasper (Stockholm). Sure Relief FOR INDIGESTION Sp BALES Hot water Sure Relief 25¢ ano 75¢ PACKAGES EVERYWHERE | bya) by Sia 9; FOOLISH MPORARIES Even-Handed Justice A brawny blacksmith was appointed jus- tice of the peace. The first case he heard was one arising out of the death of a cow under the wheels of a goods train. Plain- tiffs counsel enumerated the many virtues of the late cow; he described her gentle- ness; he told of the great bereavement to her immediate family, consisting of a young calf; and dwelt upon the heartless- ness of a system which by its brutal care- lessness had made stew-meat of the parent and an orphan of the offspring. As he sat down, the new justice said, with a voice husky with emotion, “I’ve heard enough! Plaintiff wins!” and pro- ceeded to enter judgment for. the full amount of damages. But the lawyer for the other side pro- tested. He was silver-tongued, with auto- matic tear valves and a friction-proof jaw. Among other matters pertinent to the issue, he introduced the Union Jack, Magna Charta, and “Little Grey Home in the West,” concluding the whole by bursting into a violent fit of weeping. _As he sank into his seat the justice wiped his streaming eyes, and in a voice quiver- ing with sobs exclaimed: “Well, that beats all! Defense wins!” —Tit-Bits (London). In a Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE Catholicity The advocates of opera-in-English-at- any-price recall Julian Street’s historic in- terview with William Jennings Bryan some years ago. Street asked him to name his favorite picture. . “The Madonna,” promptly replied Mr. Bryan. “Which Madonna, Mr. Bryan?” “Any Madonna.” —New York World. All Explained “Fifty dollars for six photographs?” “That's what I paid.” “Where does the work come in to justify such prices?” “Well, they look like you and yet they don’t look like you. There’s where the fifty dollars comes in.” —Lonisville Courier-Journal. Our Spring Thriller “I’ve got you at last,” he cried, “move if you dare, move! It’s taken me many years, but at last I’ve got you where I want you! Now I dare you to move!” “Yep, you're right,” replied his friend, “it's the first game of checkers you ever did win from me.” —Treat ’Em Square. A Scientist and a Gentleman The Rev. H. D. Ford, the well-known naturalist of Thursby, in a recent address stated that he once saw a Red Admiral butterfly helplessly intoxicated. It is only fair to say that he offered to see it home. —Punch. The Slamback Tue ComepiIAN: Hey, you, my dressing room is hot enough to fry eggs. THE STAGEHAND: Don’t worry; it isn’t hot enough to cook a ham. —Youngstown Telegram. Jor 78 “Years CONSTIPATION HEUMATISM from URIC ACID INDIGESTION BILLIOUSNESS have been SUCC , counteracted by RANTS R APERIE he TARRANT CO ofuternal Cleanliness | “Brings Radiant Health A Promising Pupil “How do you like school, my little dar- ling?” asked the fond mother after his first day at school. “It’s fine,” he replied. “I've licked two kids already for calling me mother’s little darling.” —London Morning P. sk for free book,**American Traveler in Europe 1922 Suggested itineraries—what it costs—what to see. Oberammergau, The Passion Play Write, call, or phone AMERICAN EXPRESS Travel Department 65 Broadway, New York LIBERAL Commissions for | Selling Advertising Thet- mometers made by world’s largest manufacturers of thermometers. Profitable proposition for energetic me. Liberal commissions. Write, giving past employment and references. Only few more men needed. T. B. Div. Taylor Instrument Com: Rochester, N. Y. No Customs Delays when you use the Daimler Hire air-liners between Londonand Paris Flying time—125 minutes. Luxurious equipment includ- ing steward service en route. DAIMLER HIRE, LTD. 246 Madison Avenue, New York Citv. For information apply to tourist agencies or phone Vanderbilt 8940 comicbooks.com