Life — April 13, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GYPT has acquired self-rule. Cleopatra, you are there! -L “You'll be as safe on any street at mid- night as at noon,” says New York’s Police Commissioner. The safest time, of course, is the precise moment when the day hold-up crew has knocked off and the night shift is just coming on duty. Marriage, of course, is an- other of those popular short- time bonds. Note to Congress: Sufficient unto the day is the drivel thereof. -L The veterans of the Soviet army probably feel that they are entitled to a soldierer’s bonus. LL “Thank God we are all free to pick our ancestors, and for my part I take mud.”—William Jennings Bryan. A perfectly logical choice, mud having been his name on three great occasions. The exchange - professorship idea is making great strides, but there is no truth in the rumor that Mr. Chaplin is to take over the Post Office De- partment. A Cleveland man left $500,000 to go toward a magnificent mausoleum, Generous to a vault. aL To the jaded wife of the mul- timillionaire — Hot Springs eternal. LL A London omnibus company reports a special machine for beating dust out of padded seats. Is it any better than the old-fashioned whiskbroom in the hands of a Pull- man porter? LL Twelve men in a box stand for the British Constitution. Twelve-bottles in a box stand for ours. That Antigonish spirit turned out to be one-half of one per cent. aL A doctor declares that an only child suffers from peculiar health conditions. A general name for them being “over- indulgent parents.” “How does the new featherweight gate work, Saint Peter?” “Well, Miss, it’s all right most times, but in the rush hour the uew angels is always comin’ up against a bunch tryin’ to get out, and it causes congestion.” The Russian Premier’s wife is de- scribed as fond of mending her hus- band’s clothes. On a good many occa- sions, a stitch in time saves Lenine. -L A bootlegger—the bar that walks like a man, LL Some men are steady drinkers. Others are Volsteady. The road commissioners are contem- plating putting a top dressing of con- stitutional amendments over the paving of good intentions on a certain famous highway. aL Mrs. Sanger says that Birth Control is for the humbler classes of women. In other words, we suppose, for those who don't like to give themselves heirs. Investigators of “sleeping sick- ness” complain that they have been hampered by a lack of subjects. Why not commandeer the per- sonnel of the Bureau of War Risk Insurance? ~-L Anyhow, the hold-up business is holding up. LL Congressional footnote: N. B.—No bonus. —L Why not settle with the ex- soldiers by letting them draw bonded liquor? LL Prohibition was quite common until Prohibition prohibited it. LL Although the slow-worm can grow a new tail, it takes years for this to acquire the size of the one which was lost. Well, you can’t expect a slow- worm to be quick about it. LL The Horatio Alger millionaire started as a bootblack. Nowa- days he starts as a boot-sh! sh! LL England has so many junior partners in the empire that she is fast becoming the colleague of nations. —L There are 332,000 jobless persons in New York. This number, it is com- puted, can watch 7524 safes being raised into buildings, and have 927 left over to look into Childs’ windows. LL The leading lady-anarchist has been re- tained by a New York paper to write 2 series of articles on Bolshevism. One case where silence isn’t Goldman. comicbooks.com