Life — April 6, 1922 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LOVELY complexion is the exempli- fication of refinement. Pears’ Soap has been ‘Matchless for the Complexion” Since 1789 “Good morning! Have you used Pears’ Soap?” “Videlicet” A monarch—Cambyses, vi To his partner at bridge said: “Miz. ?” But when twice he'd revoked, Said his partner, provoked : “Your play, sire, is hardly iz.?” —London Daily News. High Praise “Are those eggs fresh?” “Fresh, mum?” replied the veracious dealer, in confidential tones. “I'll tell you how fresh they are, mum. Suppose a friend of mine was to come and _ say, ‘Henry Tripe, I’ve got a quart of the finest liquor that was ever tasted by mortal man. I’m going to make a little eggnog and I want you to berat the party.” Well, mum,” continued the dealer, after a dramatic pause, “them’s the eggs I’d give him.” CORROBORATED —Birmingham Age-Herald. “You can't lend me a couple of dollars?” ee Modern Styles “Sure enough, but how did you Tatton (measuring customer): And it? how will you have the hip pocket, sir? —Klode Hans: (Copethaten) For a flask or revolver? —New York I uid. Shepherding the Flock The candors of the brethren are illu. minating. An American evangelist was engaged by a church for a week's special mission. On his arrival he went to see the minister. “What sort of church have you here?” he inquired. “Well,” replied the pastor, “I am afraid things are pretty bad. The people are worldly and careless, the congregations are small, there is no interest in missions, no one comes to a prayer-meeting, dances and card parties go on all through the week, and the people are indifferent to the claims of religion.” “Well,” sneered the evangelist, “if 1 had a church with members like that, I'd go out and hire a yellow dog to bite ’em.” “Yes,” said the minister, “that’s what we've done.”—Christian Register. Asleep at the Switch A man who believed he knew all about parrots undertook to teach what he thought to be a young mute bird to say “Hello!” in one lesson. Going up to its cage he repeated that word in a clear voice for several minutes, the parrot pay- ing not the slightest attention. At the final “Hello!” the bird opened one gazed at the man_and snapped out “Line's husy !"—Boston Transcript. Nothink Wotever First Cockney WorKMAN: What «l'you | think of this Irish question, Alf? Seconp Workman (after long pause): Blowed if I know what to think, Bert. I don't know what I do think. I don’t think I think anythink abaht it. —Town Topics (London). Oft in the Stilly Night “Bandits hold drinking bout in Los An- geles_ man’s cellar.” Which recalls the Abe Martin classic of a year ago: “Mr, and Mrs. Ez Pash wuz awakened at an early hour this mornin’ by burglars singin’ in the cellar."—Kansas City Star. Inexcusable Ignorance TEACHER (to little boy): Don't you know who Columbus was, child? Shame on you—having an egg-dealer for a father! —Karikaturen (Christiania). “Tue prevailing fashion-note this sea- son,” says a contemporary, “will be sl: lessness.” This ought to be easy. —P wich. BS MADISON AVE., 43rd TO 44th STREETS NEW YORK Dancing in the Supper Room Tea in the Palm Room Friday Morning Musicales JOHN McE. BOWMAN, Ay ps comicbooks.com