Life — March 23, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HEN one seeks free transporta- tion to Russia these days he sim- ply turns Red as a beat. JL That disarming smile of Harding’s really accomplished thing, after all. aL Probably, if the facts were known, the only man who ever really had an elephant on his hands was Noah. President some- dL Applicants for liquor per- mits must now appear in person. “Here’s looking at you.” JL The International Society of Registered Statisticians will hold its next conven- tion on the island of Java. Contiguity to the coffee supply, it is hoped, will enable them to keep awake. aL Some women drivers won't stop at anything. JL It looks as if the soldier bonus were not dead, but slipping. Paris says the dance craze is demoralizing, which means that Paris has a specially demoralizing, devilish and delightful new craze to offer. JIL We suppose the U. S. regards Carrie Nation as its oldest inhibitant. dL A sixteen-year old heiress is to marry a forty-five-year old Swiss riding mas- ter. Another one of those jejune brides. JL Deaths from automobiles increased 13% in 1921 over 1920. Practice makes perfect. dL Girls in London Reform School Oper- ate Own Laundry.—Headline. Wring out, wild belles. Increasing race suicide leads us to think that the marriage vow now is “Love, honor and no baby.” aL Apparently Emma Goldman rather be right than be resident. would The Goldfish Pending the outcome of Mr. Bryan's latest candidacy, reports concerning the largest lemon produced in Florida this season are indefinitely postponed. JL Human Race May Be Saved by Nuts. —Headline. Is that so? Look what Trotzky did. JL There is a destiny that shapes our week-ends—rough-house them how we will. Preserved peas, rendered green in color without the use of copper, are the prod- uct of two firms, one in France and the other in America. Sounds impossible, split peas. unless they are Reformer Would Clean Up Movies— Aw, the Hellywood! aL The statement of a college professor that Washington was red-headed has got a lot of other people that way dL Headline. Too much buttermilk and a preponderance of veg- etables are responsible for the fighting Irish nature, according to Dr. Martin Edwards, of Boston, Mass. Now we know what's the matter with George Ber- nard Shaw. JL Congress doth make cow- ards of us all. L At the present rate, by the time the streets of New York are made safe for pedestrians there won't be any more pedestrians. Don’t blame a man for fil- ing a bankruptcy petition —he is simply making the bust of a had job. aL The soldier bonus will be a life-saver to the govern- ment because it will make a hole in the mint. Hell hath no fury like a woman reformer, JL A Lakewood hen hatched eight eggs under the snow. After that splendid example, if all cold storage eggs can be laid by cold storage hens in cold storage warehouses, a great deal of cackling and a great many mid- dlemen can be done away with. The still unwritten anthem of the League of Nations will probably be known as “The International Blayuc.” JL An optimist is a person who believes this is the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist is a person who realizes it. JL 1800—‘Peace, varlet, hold thy tongue.” 1880—“Less noise, please.” “Say, get off the line.” 1922—"Hey, get out of the air.” comicbooks.com