Life — March 16, 1922 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ing ist. ood the The Exclusive Garter because it has exclusive features. For ex- ample—it is the only adjustable Wideweb Garter without the Hook and Eye Cast-off on the face of the Pad. Also has the famous Oblong All-Rubber Button. GEORGE FROST CO., BOSTON, Makers of Velvet Grip Hose Supporters for All the Family Greetings W ELCOME to you, lady dear; Now you've landed, we con- jecture You'll make easy money here At one thousand bucks a lecture; You'll conduct that pleasant task with Great éclat—in vulgar argot, You'll “get over,” Mrs. Asquith; You will “knock ’em cold,” Margot! dear Lady with the quick-fire tongue Which some poet called reptilian, You are sure to find among This great country’s hundred million Quite a bunch to think you smart, Folks in Frisco, Gotham, Fargo, Who'll applaud your gossip tart, Who will say you're clever, Margot! Are you? Well, we cannot say; Though your witticisms glitter In a bright and flashing way, They've an aftermath that’s bitter ; And, although a purse that’s fat Add to your home-going cargo, Anybody can do that— We are very easy, Margot! Doubtless, out of gratitude For the welcome you're receiving, You will call us dull and crude, Just about the time you're leaving; On that special line of stuff We are placing no embargo, Turn about is fair enough— We have our opinion, Margot! Berton Braley. Hard to Please Uncte Hi Jason, proprietor of a general merchandise store, sold out his entire stock of umbrellas during a long Tainy season. When a neighbor congratulated him on his good luck, Uncle Hi shook his head dolefully. “That's so,” he said, “but I didn’t sell a single parasol.” - LIFE 29 Here’s a Howe-De-Do ROTHER E. W. HOWE, of Kan- sas, who enjoys nothing so much as dabbing the minor illusions of life with burnt cork, has made one more remarkable statement. “T never,” says Potato Hill Ed, “at- tempted to rob a bank in my life.” We assume that this is due to a lack of initiative. We should like to be- lieve that he is being actuated by the honest fear of committing a solecism. Whatever it is that has kept his escutcheon clean of at least this con- | tretemps, we sincerely hope it continues. If, for some reason of his own, he should relish the experience of robbing a bank, we fear he would be—as he is in everything he undertakes—materially successful. He would need neither training nor professional aid. He would not have to depend on tool kit, ex- plosive or spectacular gun play All he would require would be a pair of rubber heels, which he probably already has. Then, armed with a selection of E. W. Howe’s Monthlies, he could walk in the dead of night to the en- trance of a bank. By the shaded light of a pocket flash, he could read a few choice paragraphs. Before long, the door would yawn wide open, and event- ually not even the stanchest vault could refrain from a similar reaction. H. W. H. Kidney Disorders What an eminent medical au- thority prescribes for Bright’s Disease, High Blood Pressure, Heart and Arterial Deteriora- tion, etc. Do you know that three-fourths of all human ailments that occur after middle age originate in the kidneys? Your kidneys are filters whose function is to remove waste products from the blood. When you have kidney trouble, these filters have lost the power to pick impurities out of the blood and throw them off. Your body is there- fore forced to derive its nourishment from a blood overladen with substances that are very harmful in character. How shall you rid your kidneys of these harmful substances—these “You can clean out your kidneys— and keep them cleaned out—by the liberal use of Paradise Water. This mineral-free water, from Paradise Spring in Maine, has the power to help wash the blood and tissues. free from poisonous waste products whose retention would continually damage the kidneys and other tis- sues. “Sometimes, through misuse,” adds this authority, “the kidneys get beyond repair. Give Paradise Water a chance before it is too late.” Paradise Water comes in convenient cases of 12 quarts, 24 pints, 36 half-pints, at your grocer; or order direct. Natural or Carbonated, both delightful table waters, in addition to their health-giving qualities. PARADISE. SPRING CO., Brunswick, Maine PARADISE WATER | poisonous wastes? A medical authority of high repute pointsthe way. He says: FREE HEALTH LITERATURE No, 1—RHEUMATISM —Arthritis Deformans —Rheumatoid Arthritis —Arthritis No. 2—KIDNEY DISORDERS —Bright’s Disease —High Blood Pressure —Heart and Arterial Deterioration No. 3—DIGESTIVE DISORDERS ble Digestion —Acidity of Stomach —lIntestinal Autointoxication No. 4—BLADDER DISORDERS —Prostatitis —Pyelitis Also “The Story of Paradise Spring,” giv- ing this wonderful water's history for a hundred years. MAIL THIS COUPON TODAY Paradise Spring Co., Brunswick, Maine 2 Send free of charge “The Story of Paradise Spring,” j also the following Specific Health Literature: (Check the ones you want) ONo. 1 ONo. 2 ONo. 3 comicbooks.com