Life — March 16, 1922 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Self-Determination for Babies F I were a baby, I should flatly re- fuse to grow up. Cruelty to animals has excited ardent reformers, but cruelty to babies has been thoughtlessly overlooked. In the first place, babies never have a moment for peaceful meditation. I once knew an infant who tried for month» to figure out why his rattle was blue av | was always interrupted just as he was reaching a logical solution. He grew ‘1p into a sad and disillusioned man. Babics never have a chance for a good «iat. “Yuupety yumpety yump!” shouts Unele “Dovdle-de-doodle-de-dee !” _ chortles \unty “Docs peshus hear pretty pussy purr?” asks Sister. The young man has probably heard the pretty pussy all along, and the other remarks mean nothing. If he is ex- ceptionally polite, he makes a few half- heartei attempts at repartee. “Goo!” he replies—or possibly, “Auk But usually he maintains a disgusted silenc - - | Babies are also taken to the movies, and exciting places they are often held upside down, which makes the film look even worse, if that is possi- ble. Should the heroine's evening dre: offend the child’s ideas of good taste. and should he protest with a single paine! yell, his companion begins a series of motor-boat discharges: “Sh-sh-sh-sh—” and keeps it up until both The baby’s social life is one of con- stant humiliation. At home or abroad, furthermore, he is continually mauled about: he is poked in front, punched behin’!, and patted on top. Some fatherly statesman ought to | pass a new set of Baby Blue Laws— setting forth what can and what can- not he done to babies. Copies could be forwarded to every household, and a special pink celluloid duplicate fur- nishel for His Youngest to cut his teeth | upon. By sucking this, he will become thorong imbued with a consciousness of his rights at an early age. How much pleasanter life will be | when babies can look forward to a peaceful old age from the very begin- ning ! Olga V. S. Owens. Beat Him on Holidays Tracner: And why do you think Washington did twice as much for his country as Lincoln? Boy: ‘Cause Washington and Lin- coln each had a birthday—but Wash- | ington gave us the Fourth of July. One of the 250,000 who provide Bell Seroice At Your Service Imagine a bird’s-eye view In every center of popu- of the United States. Imagine _ lation is a telephone exchange it criss-crossed with telephone and an organization of skilled wires or underground cables workers to give life to the connecting every city, town nation-wide facilities of com- and hamlet. Imagine these munication. Every circuit wires reaching nearly must be tested; every inch of 14,000,000 destinations—in Wite watched and kept in city homes and offices and in repair; every switchboard 2,500,000 farmhouses. _ operated day and night. But that is not all. There ee Sas is the new i ee vision is still short of the truth th je new. construction:to meet the increasing needs of the regarding the Bell System. A telephone-using public. Every telephone at your elbow, a day, from one end of the coun- wire circuit to your farthest try to the other, thousands of neighbor. Apparatus which crews of linemen and cable- embodies the latest develop- men, and installers of every ments of an army of trained kind of telephone equipment, scientists. The picture is still carry on this work with the incomplete. continued growthof the nation. Imagine all this and your * BELL SYSTEM” AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One Policy, One System, Universal Service, and all direeted toward Better Service The Philosopher utters The Magic Phrase, ‘“‘SUBSCRIBE TO LIFE”’ For the Genealogist—Sprightly wit—but man is descended from the monkeys. Special Offer Enclosed find One Dollar (Canadian $1.20, Foreign $1.40). Send Lire for the next ten weeks to Open only to new subscribers; no subscrip- ne Sear dé “Open Sesame” tions renewed at this rate. eke ss, is out of date. LIFE, 598 Madison Ave., New York (kl) Foreign $6.60 comicbooks.com