Life — February 9, 1922 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Moral Tales for the Young AUDE, the brightest of the sex, Forged her daddy’s name to c Took tl Cashed ¢ All the : Maudie Weight So she’s n to the local banks, em, with a smile of thanks. mney came in handy— as so fond of candy! e gained in way affrighting, iven up her writing. noney, when you forge; es do not gorge. Save th Little | little apple-cheek, wunt’s blue-ribbon Peke, it out of Auntie’s house. Hidden in his sailor blouse. Donald planned to spend his earnings Gratifying all his yearnings. But the -hance for pleasure slipped him, For the doggie’s buyer gypped him, Don, t! Sold h Sneake an’t complete the deal, Idren do not steal. Dorothy Parker. If they Nicer ¢ Bad News for Synura R. C. Benchley 'ONSTERNATION is spreading in synura circles at the announce- ment by the state health officials that the Kensico water-supply into New York City is to be cut off until the wa- ter has been rid of the cucumber taste of which those New Yorkers who drink water have been complaining lately. It scems that the synura is a one- celled organism just too small to be visible to the naked eye, which gets into drinking-water and imparts an oil to it which tastes, according to expert testi- mony, like anything from a cucumber toa fish, with one vote for strychnine. The plan of the heartless - officials is to keep these little organisms from get- ting ont of the reservoir so that they ever reach New York. this fair to the synura? for instance, the case of one of tiny unicellular fellows that came the other day. Ever since early od, when he was playing around e other synura babies, he had maintained that, when he grew was “doin’ to Noo’ork to be a vig mans.” He listened with to tales of the great metropolis by aged organisms who had floate| back to Kensico after a career of honorable water pollution in the city. He ha! even made a banner for himself, on which he had had his mother spin avidit as tol No Limit Mother: Shorty (a friend): the words “Welcome to New York.” He studied nights on a course which guaranteed to teach him in ten lessons the intricacies of the New York City water system, so that he could swim in and out of the famous highways and by-ways, stopping at just the right places for a good time and avoiding all the dull places where the less sophis- ticated ones congregate when they come to town. In short, he had trained himself to be that -most competent of all organisms, a typical New Yorker. And then came the official edict. The reservoir gates are to be closed. The open road to New York is to be barred. And in the rural fastnesses of Kensico there is at least one synura who swims Bobbie, on your way to school don’t fight and don’t swear. Pretty soon she'll ask you to study. idly about, with his life’s ambition thwarted, his rosy future shattered at one blow. He is not fitted for a life in Westchester County. His heart is in the city. And without the city he will die. Write to your congressman to-day and demand the repeal of this inhuman edict ! Too Early for Reply IRST WAR VETERAN: Have you heard anything on the claim you filed with the Veterans’ Bureau for Compensation ? Second War VETERAN: Not yet. You see, I only wrote them six months ago. comicbooks.com