Life — January 26, 1922 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Aspirin Then It’s Genuine Unless you see the name “Bayer” on tablets, you are not getting gen- uine Aspirin prescribed by physi- cians for 21 years and proved safe by millions. Always say “Bayer.” Aspirin is the trade mark of Bayer Manufacture | of Monoaceticacidester of Salicylicacid. A Dangerous Book (Continued from page 10) The whole book, however, is not given over to such unemotional items as tinplate. On page 322 is a table with the heading “Males in Glazed-Kid Factory.” From the figures printed beneath, it seems that in a certain glazed-kid factory, 58 males were em- ployed in 1900 as against 55 in 1890. You may take those figures for what they are worth. At any rate, there they are, and the next time glazed kid comes into the conversation you will know where you stand. The trouble with reviewing a book like this is that one is suspected of trying to be funny. I have, therefore, had a justice of the peace come in to witness the following quotation from page 381 (he is a small justice of the peace and is therefore charging me only fifteen cents) : “Suppose we read that the mean length of the thorax of a thousand fiddler-crabs is 30.14.02 mm. Just what does this actually mean?” It actually means, Dr. Secrist, that someone has been playing a trick on you, for I doubt very much if fiddler- crabs have thoraxes and even if they do, what of it? Robert C. Benchley. FOR MEN OF BRAINS IGARS “MADE AT KEY WEST— LIFE - FOOLISH MPO Reflected Glory The Woman had been invited to take a motor ride with Mrs. Brown, a lady with more money than blood, The sedan brought its passengers in reasonably close prox- imity to Mrs. Brown’s chauffeur, whom that lady addressed facetiously as “Wil- lum,” making many little jokes for his benefit, and including him to a great ex- tent in the conversation. Returned to the hotel Mrs. Brown linked her arm into that of the Woman, whisper- ing confidentially, “You may perhaps have thought me rather familiar with ‘Willum,’ my dear, but you know he is not just an ordinary chauffeur. He eloped with his last employer’s daughter !” —New York Sun. An Auspicious Beginning Mr. Stephen Leacock was in good form at the inauguration of the Canada Club. He had to face the problem of what ex- actly happens when one inaugurates a new club. He tackled it boldly. “I under- stand,” he said, “that you’re founding a new club, and you want the thing inaugu- rated. I wish you'd had a better inaugura- tor than I am, but I don’t know where you'd get one. . . . And now that I’ve in- augurated you, see that you keep inaugu- rated!” It seems as good a way as any other —London Daily News. Sheer Lethargy The domestic problem once again: The elderly charwoman was complain- ing bitterly of the laziness of one of the ladies who employed her. “Not a ’and will she turn, mum,” she said, “not a ’and. Just fancy, mum, on’y yesterday morning she wouldn’t even take a blackbeetle off "er own shoulder, and er supposed to be so fond of animals.” —Town Topics (London). On the Range EXASPERATED SERGEANT (to recruit who seems to be ent ignorant of rifle sights): Say, did you ever see a fine sight before? Rookie: Yes, sir. SERGEANT: What’s the best sight you ever saw? Rookie: A boatload of sergeants being sunk.—Jowa Frivol. A Difficult Course An astronomer was entertaining a Scotch friend. He showed his visitor the moon through a telescope and asked him what he thought of the satellite. “It’s a’ richt,” re- plied the Scot, who was an enthusiastic golfer, “but it’s awfu’ fu’ o’ bunkers.” —Boston Transcript. Future Assured Lapy Drana (in hunting field): Even if we had a Socialist Government, they wouldn’t abolish hunting, for there’d al- ways be some Cabinet Minister’s wife who'd look well in a riding habit. —Wéindsor Magazine (London). Gutr: I understand that you are going to take up golf. Goor: Oh, just enough to be able to read the comic papers intelligently. —Amherst Lord Jeff. ‘THE CAREY PRINTING CO. Inc. New YORK BILTMORE} MADISON AVE., 43rd TO 44th STREETS NEW YORK Dancing in the Supper Room Tea in the Palm Room Friday Moming Musicales JOHN ScE. EON | zelos? Terrible Jimmy Jimmy, somewhat of a braggart, was telling his father and mother of his expe- riences while out camping. “And all at once I stepped right on a big rattlesnake,” he began. “How did you know it was a rattlesnake, Jimmy?” asked his father skeptically. “TI could hear its teeth chatterin’ the minute it saw me.” —American Legion Weekly. Eheu Fugaces The nurses and students at a certain London hospital were rehearsing a reek play—in English. They were to perform it at a concert in aid of their exchequer. There was a dear old lady at the re- hearsal. She seemed a little mystified. Eventually she turned to the girl heside her and said, in a puzzled voice: “Let me see, dear—Euripides—was he before Veni- —Tit-Bits (London). The Committee at Work Hush, little college, Don’t you cry; You'll have a stadium, By and by. —Birmingham Age-Herald. First GENTLEMAN: Did you get home last night before the storm? Seconp Ditto: That's when it started. —Kasper (Stockholm) Sure Relief 6 BELL-ANS lt Ngee | Hot waiter § a Ae Sure Relief B oa FOR INDIGESTION comicbooks.com