Life — January 5, 1922 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

For Men Only! ID you read this poem, by Ken- nett Harris, last month in “Life”? Toil H, woe is me! Each dewy morn And morns withouten dews I have to take my shoeing horn And ease into my shoes. And when I have them on my feet Still bitter 1s my cup, For, ere the blooming job’s complete I have to lace them up. Into each eyelet of each shoe I needs must guide each tag And draw the cursed laces through With weary thrust and drag. And when I have them fairly laced With many a groan and sigh Another task must then be faced: Two bow-knots I must tie. My malison upon each lace! A murrain on each knot! It seems to me not out of place The eyelets to dod-rot. Would that I never had been born To dree this weary blight, To have to lace those shoes each morn And take them off at night! Kennett Harris. Copr. Life Pub. Co. ¥ TT. eliminate “Toil” demand LACING HOOKS on your foot- wear, ® Shoes with Lacing Hooks can be bought from up-to-date deal- ers. Insist on having what you want. r LIFE - FOOLISH IES Gy And the Lady Was ~ Conpuctor (on crowded municipal bus): Move up forward there on both sides!—up forward. on both sides, please! Very Stout Lapy (as she is pushed up forward): Ain't this awful? Sartor (who has been sampling green liquor): Cert’nly ishorful. Conductor: Move up forward—on both sides—up forward on both sides. Very Stout Lapy (now jammed against the front of the bus): Iam up forward! Sartor (sizing up her displacement) : Yesh—and you’re on both sides, too, aincher, lady?—Nez'» York Globe. Wyoming Gossip Western Paper.—Gossip is a humming bird with eagle wings and a voice like a foghorn. It'can be heard from Dan to Beersheba and has caused more. trouble than all the fleas, ticks, mosquitoes, coy- otes, rattlesnakes, cyclones, earthquakes, blizzards, gout and indigestion that this United States has known or will know when the universe shuts up shop and be- gins the final inventory. In other words, it has got both war and hell backed up in a corner yelling for ice water. —Boston Transcript. In a Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE Card Sense “How would you have played that hand?” asked the bridge novice after the “inquest.” “Under an assumed name if I had been you,” replied the club cynic cruelly. And all was once again smiles, good humor and. benevolence. —Town Topics (London). Keen Practice “Have you had any experience in sales- manship?” asked a sales manager of a college graduate applying for a job. “Oh, yes,” replied the other confidently. “T assisted for two years in selling the seats for the Yale-Harvard football game.” —American Legion Weekly. Winner at a Glance Aucy: That vulgah puhson mistook me for a racing man. Satty: How was that? Atcy: He said that I won the Brown Derby.—Stanford Chaparral. The Threat Overheard.—“Yus! an’ I says to ’im: ‘You shove any more water in my milk an’ I'll tike it down ter the Town ’All an’ ’ave it paralyzed _by the local Anarchist.’” —Pearson’s Weekly (London). Hardly a Subject for Inspiration “How times have changed!” &Yeser “Imagine Rosa Bonheur painting a flock of Ford tractors.” —Florida Times-Union. “Lanpru, known the world over since 1918 as the French’ Bluebird.” "Evening Paper. M. Maeterlinck ought to be told_of this. —Punch. WINTER Athletic Underwear for Men Knit of warm WOOL and Cotton, mixed. The light-weight freedom you like with the protection you have never had before in a knee-length, Union Suit. sleeveless aly by t American Hosi New Britain, C ASK YOUR DEALER Naivism Little Clara brought a drawing to her Daddy—a drawing comprising a circular scrawl of pencil lines and a dot. “That's ‘ittle Mit’ Muffet,” plained. “But where is she?” “Ooh! The spider away !” And yet they write books on the Cubists !—II linois Siren. she ex- flightened her Trrep Wire (to troublesome patient) : Sure, Jim, I'd rather have all the children sick than you. Jim: So would I. —Bulletin (Sydney) PERSONAL PRINTED | STATIONERY 100 envelopes 3% 109 now heads 6 x 64g { $1.00 envelo} x 200 note Ieads 722 x 10% { $2.00 Type matter 4 lines—36 letters or less to line; blue ink, same copy on envelope as on note head. No proofs or samples. Write plainly or print copy desired and send with check or money to HORNER PRINTING CO., Box 721, Wilmington, Del. henware, faralture kee tipping. biltard’ ou rs! ; Ut handy, The relledle coment, famous es since 1876. tae faite AL threo kinds—20e 9 At dealers or write us. MAJOR MANUFACTURING €o. New York YOUR HOROSCOPE Intelligently mterpreted, is a guide to the development of personality, talents, and success. MARION MEYER DREW BEACON, NEW YORK inter licen busit orga pens’ not | who titior scale fewe comp rate findir Kn dang not s wher now the c bette are ¢ ing t It ca but i has | like Mr. | ably comicbooks.com