Life, 1921-12-22 · page 12 of 34
Life — December 22, 1921 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated humorous pieces typical of Life's satirical format: **"It Might Serve for a Whale"** is a cartoon joke about a shipwrecked woman (Cynthia Lisle) whose clothes are so worn they'd fit a whale—playing on the absurdity of tropical island survival. **"Good News for Canal Collectors"** satirizes the New York State Legislature's authorization to sell Erie Canal portions. The humor mocks the impracticality: someone could own a canal segment, use it as a swimming pool, and keep sea creatures. It's absurdist commentary on government property disposition. The remaining pieces—"The Pathological Conclusion," "The Priceless Old Dear," "Be Patient," "The Arch Enemy," and others—are brief humorous poems and jokes covering romance, aging, and travel, typical of Life's miscellaneous humor sections.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
== JAMES MONTEOMERY FLAC It Might Serve for a Whisle Said a lady named Cynthia Lisle Who was wrecked on a Tropical Isle: “As there’s hardly a doubt That nry clothes will wear out— It’s lucky I have a warm smile.” Good News for Canal Collectors HE New York State Legislature has been authorized to place on sale certain unused portions of the Erie Canal, and those persons who have been bothered with the problem of what to give their wives for Christmas will need to look no farther. What an opportunity it is! For there is no gift more practical or more tasty than a canal. When you present your spouse with one, you not only cause her intense delight (thereby promoting domestic felicity) but you also acquire a property in your home that will be of value to the entire fam- ily. You can use it as a swimming pool; you can get some canal boats for the kiddies, and let them paddle around at will; you can raise trout, or ducks, or crabs, or alligators, or sea bass meuniére—or anything else that your heart desires. And, if winter comes, just think of the skating! There is one thing to remember, though: the New York State Govern- ment will not pay trucking charges to your home. They refuse to deliver any unused portions of the Erie Canal, and you will have to come and get yours yourself. Furthermore, the number of portions is limited. They are expected to sell like hot cakes. And you will therefore do well to get a strangle-hold on yours (no half-portions served) before the supply gives out. Be Patient “I’m three years old,” she said to me, “I wear my dresses to my ankle.” (I know this does not rhyme, but still, In fifteen years or so it will.) The Arch Enemy “Were you ever in Paris?” “No. I had flat feet.” Travel Note Wuen in Montreal do as the rest of the Amer- icans do. So? Patrnt and lipstick Now and then Are relished by The best of men. The Pathological Conclusion (“His tonsils ached as he kissed her.” . . , From a story by Fannie Hurst in The Cosmopolitan.) HENEVER I kiss you, my dear Mirabella, My ills and afflictions begin; A dull sort of ache overwhelms my patella, . And chilblains set in. I feel that I shortly shall find myself minus The use of one lachrymal gland, A dizzy sensation suffuses my sinus— My ad’noids disband. My lambda, my clavicle, thorax and pharynx Become much too sluggish for use; My punctum, trapezius, deltoid and larynx All hurt like the deuce. And though I’m the first one to frown on the practice Of carping, I’m forced to explain That—leaving all joking aside, dear— the fact is, You give me a pain. R, E. Sherwood, The Priceless Old Dear TeacHerR: Who was it that said of her children, “These are my jewels”? Pupit: Mother of pearl. Unsung Ordeals The terrible temptation of little Wilfred on his way home from the movies. comicbooks.com