Life — September 29, 1921 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

How to Catch a Woofleduff N order to catch a woofle- duff you must first find a woman with but one tooth. The woman must bite a hole in a fried cake; thereupon, armed with the fried cake, you ‘wend your way to a nearby lake. You procure a rowboat, row to the middle of the lake and bore a hole in the water large enough for the fried cake to sit in. The woofleduff, scenting the fragrant odor of the delectable bait, comes to the top and eats the fried cake. The water surrounding the fried cake, freed upon the latter’s consumption, closes about the woofleduff’s neck and chokes it. You then take said woofleduff to the shore and prepare to cook a woofleduff supper. In order to cook a woofleduff supper you must first find a woofleduff fire. First you locate a vacant ten-acre lot, then procure a fifty-foot ladder. You place the ladder in the middle of the lot and climb to the top of it. You repeat this four times, drawing the lad- der up after you each time. When you have reached the summit you look around for other possible woofleduff parties. Here you lay the said w. down and he immediately comes to life and runs away, whereupon you call “Woof” and he responds with “Duff.” You then locate him and start in hot pursuit. Before you can reach him he slides Absent-Minded Stock Broker (mistaking the spa- The market seems sluggish Don’t notice a thing doing. ghetti for ticker tape): to-day. Banker: You wish to open a joint account, for yourself and husband? “I'll have you to understand, sir, that my husband and I do not operate a joint!” down a rainbow. You slide down after and find that the heat, caused by the friction on the rainbow, has cooked your woofleduff for you. THERE YOU HAVE YOUR WOOF-Le-DUFF. THANK YOU! Arthur E, Payne. Naughty Noise “Tue first act of the farce comedy was rather tame. But things became uproarious in the second.” “Twin bedlam broke loose, I suppose.” The Profit it’s the getting in that stumps me. I wonder where I'd better begin. LIFE The Movement for Better Jails HE recent riots in jails have given us quite an uncomfortable feeling. Can it be possible that our jails are not what they have been cracked up to be? Practically everybody who has gone to jail in the last few years has made no com- plaint at all. Every Ameri- can who doesn’t get what he wants immediately sets up a howl. We had, therefore, the best reason for supposing that our jails were quite all right. And now here come along a lot of jail guests who try to burn up the place and get loose. If they had been week-enders we could have understood it. However, it may have been just an ac- cident. Quite ‘possibly the hot water was turned off, or the housemaid forgot to spread enough blankets at night before she went off on a joy ride. It is hard enough to get into jail, anyway, with- out discovering after you have landed there that they are not keeping it up. One has to start early in life to get into regular training for it. Our jails should be surveyed at once. If it gets noised about that they are no better to live in than some of our principal hotels or seaside resorts, peo- ple will stop committing crimes. then, A woman can learn things from a man that he didn’t know he knew. WH That greeting reads all right, but Tt looks hard. leer: comicbooks.com —