Life, 1921-09-15 · page 26 of 34
Life — September 15, 1921 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a three-act satirical drama written by Henry William Hanemann, presented as humor in *Life* magazine. It's a mock-heroic piece lampooning sentimentality and ironic ingratitude. The plot: A kind-hearted retailer rescues a plain goldfish from loneliness, giving it a comfortable home. Unbeknownst to him, a genuinely Egyptian salamander (kept on hot coals) plots arson out of cold dissatisfaction. The goldfish, grateful to its rescuer, heroically overturns its aquarium to extinguish the fire, accidentally drowning the villainous salamander in the process. The satire targets overwrought Victorian melodrama and anthropomorphic sentimentality. The "dumb gratitude" of the title refers ironically to the goldfish's unwitting heroism—it's "dumb" because the fish cannot comprehend what it's actually doing, yet accidentally performs a noble deed. The piece mocks both animal-welfare sentiment and theatrical convention through absurdist dialogue and exaggerated moral posturing. The comic strip below appears to illustrate a separate golf-related joke.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Dumb Gratitude An Animal Drama with a Human Interest Act 1 A Gentle Spirit Scene: The Shop of a Wholesaler of Fancy Fish. HE CRASS WHOLESALER: Inasmuch as you de- sire to purchase my best fan-tailed and google-eyed fish, permit me to suggest that you turn your attention to this tank on the left. Tue Kinpiy Rerarer: I do so gladly. Among all this exotic beauty behold one goldfish that is unmistakably plain and ordinary. Surely he must suffer from the ignominy of his situation? THE UNMISTAKABLY PLAIN AND ORDINARY GOLDFISH: Kindly Retailer, you have voiced to the extent of an oral capacity. The snobbery and indifference of the arrogant and aristocratic fan-tails and google-eyes render me lonely and miserable. Though I reside in this ornate crystal globe, I am not in my proper sphere. Rescue me, I beg. Tue Krnpty RetaiLer: The unhappy expression of the ordinary goldfish fills me with compassion. May I ask you to have him wrapped up? Act 2 Base Connivings Scene: The Animal Store of the Kindly Retailer. Tue Orptnary Gotprisu: Installed by my new master in a tastefully furnished aquarium, I lead the life commonly associated with a certain Reilly. I wriggle with delight and gratitude. Tue Kinpiy RetaiLer: See how the ordinary goldfish wriggles with delight. It is well. It is also closing time. I bank the bed of coals upon which my genuine Egyptian salamander dwells and kiss my hand to the ordinary gold- fish. Sleep well, little fish. Sweet dreams, little sala- mander. Tue Genuine Ecyprian Wough! Wough! Wough! Tue Kinpiy RetaiLer: Poor little salamander. He has contracted a bad cough of late. (The Kindly Retailer puts up the shutters and departs for the night.) Tue Genuine Ecyptian SALAMANDER: Wough! Wough! Wough! I pretend to possess a bad cough, But I am inwardly consumed with an insurmountable desire for SALAMANDER (coughing) : a hot time. I lie upon this bed of coals and plot secretly to set fire to the store of the Kindly Retailer who after the fashion of an apaftment-house janitor does not provide me with sufficient warmth. Tue Orpinary GotprisH: Oh, what manner of wicked- ness is this? If I could but warn my kindly master. Act 3 The Heart of a Goldfish Scene: The Animal Store. Hours Later. Tue Orpinary GorprisH: With the smell of smoke in my nostrils, I awake from a sound slumber. Heavens! Thanks to his execrable cough, the wicked salamander has fanned his bed of coals into flames. Tue GENUINE Ecyptian SALAMANDER: Wough! Wough! Wough! My plotting has succeeded beyond expectations. I am all of a pleasant glow. Tue Orpinary Gotprisu: {t behooves me to save the store of my kindly master. But how? I am only a poor fish, I wriggle furiously. Tue GENUINE Ecyptian SALAMANDER: Wough! Wough! Wough! The flames mount higher and higher, threatening the store of the Kindly Retailer with immolation. The furious wriggling of the ordinary goldfish causes his aquar- ium to rock like a palm in a high wind. Tue Orpinary Gotprisn: I have been assailed witli an idea. If, by my wriggling, I can overturn my tastefully furnished aquarium, all will yet be well. Courage! Tue Genuine Ecyprian SALAMANDER: Really, this is too delightful. The flames flicker in fantastic shapes, | am rosy all over... Ten thousand devils! Wriggling with ever-increasing fervor the ordinary goldfish has overturned the aquarium upon my bed of coals and myself. Drenched to the skin, I consequently die. Wough! Wough! Wough! (Coughing feebly, he dies.) Tue Orpinary GotprisH: By my simple expedient, I have saved the store and repaid to some slight extent the kindness of my kindly master. But, with my habitation shattered, how to keep myself alive until my kindly master arrives? How, indeed? Ah, I have it— (Picking out a damp spot on the floor, he wriggles himself into a projuse perspiration.) RIDEAU Henry William Hanemann. re GOLF reUknavene “Monk’s the only one be- tween me and the Cham- pionship—I’ll fix him!” But the match went on as scheduled, for Monk had sound hands and to spare!! “Ha! Ha! He’s through! He won’t be able to hold a club!” Sep comicbooks.com