Life — September 15, 1921 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

N his one hundred and fourth birthday, Louis Kokowitz, of Har- vlem, announced that he had decided to take up golf. He will now find out that the first hun- dred years were the easiest. All America is divided into three parts -—square miles, square people and square heads. aL The starving actors want bread and taking a swing around the lecture circuit. aL Since Time does not exist, according to Einstein, he must still be trying to de- termine whether he ever arrived here LL There was a time when the only prohibition state you could get liquor in was Maine. Paper bathing suits have ap- peared in the East and lots of folks now go to the beaches just to see what’s in the papers. —L With its divorce courts crowded New York is now the Umpire State. Two can live as cheaply as one can pay alimony. aL An epitaph for Henry— The good that men do flivs after them, Some French papers object to M. Briand’s proposed trip to Washington. Perhaps they are afraid that when he gets back home he'll spell it Bryan. The people who were shouting, “No beer, no work!” in 1919 didn’t know they would get both in 1921. Washington is truly a “city of magnificent distances’ when measured with red tape. LL Baseball has nothing to fear from tennis and golf as national pastimes until they have pro- duced at least one grade A scandal. LL In a dining car you pay for the i Local Gossip HEN Silas Whimple wuz raisin’ Young Si, he used to take him up in the back lot an’ pint out to him the Poorhouse acrost the valley: an’ tell him erbout it; how they never had nothin’ but bread and water to eat an’ so on, an’ what he wuz a-comin’ to ef he didn’t save his money. Waal, Young Si’s one of our leadin’ citizens now an’ where the back lot used to be, they’ve gut an auto boulevard. Si’s agent fer one o’ them cars an’ tother day he wuz demonstratin’ to Nick Bell an’ Nick wuz all worked up erbout buyin’ uv it when they come to the same spot. Seein’ the Poor- house over acrost the valley Si gut to thinkin’ uv his old dad an’ he told Nick the story an’ I snum ef Nick didn’t get serious right then an’ there an’ throw up the huil deal; said he knowed he had no business buyin’ the car an’ called it all off. Si come home plum disgusted an’ jedgin’ from what he said Nick hadn’t better rely on Si to warn an’ guide him much more. In fact, Si made certain remarks hintin’ Nick could go almost any place fer all o’ him. or not. LL A chicken hawk, measuring five feet from tip to tip, was recently shot on Fifth Avenue, New York, He certainly came to the right place to hunt. aL The low cost of living hasn't yet extended to the short skirt. aL The excavators have been dig- ging up the cellar of Herod the Great in Palestine. The stuff ought to be pretty good by this time. aL X still represents an unknown quantity, and nowadays XXX is getting to represent an unknown quality. aL A baby was found in a mail box in Trenton, New Jersey. Special delivery? JL They say that Woodrow may not be allowed to practice law in Washington. But then, he never did. L Marconi is now working on a device which will transmit words through the air faster than a man can talk. Cherches la femme. +L One touch of Nature makes grape juice illegal. LL Give a man enough rope nowa- days and he’ll manufacture a Sey amount that you eat, and Pullman rates will be satisfactory when we pay for the amount that we sleep. LL -“We’ve got their goat,” remarked the commander-in-chief of the Greeks to his aide as news was brought of the Turkish evacuation of Angora, We don’t hear so much from d’Annun- zio as we did. Gabriel has evidently stopped blowing his horn. While those foreign prime ministers are here for the disarmament conference they should seize the opportunity to re- duce their countries’ war debts by new drink with it. aL Lire expects its followers to read this page, and to contribute to it as well. A prize is therefore being offered for the best Life Line to appear during the next three months, Further details are supplied on page 29 of this issue. comicbooks.com