Life — August 18, 1921 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Whar ye takin’ him to, Hank?” Pioneers of Liberty HE announcement by the Messrs. Shubert that they are going to stop people from coming late to their theatres, and require them to stay on until the cur- tain falls on the last act, opens up an entirely new field. The Messrs. Shubert, it is true, con- duct a public enterprise; but then, as in- dividuals, so do all of us. People that we have never seen before can enter our homes at all hours of the day and night, and with impunity take anything they can conveniently carry off. If you have a baby on the premises, and are trying to raise him according to your lights, nu- merous officials from parents’ associations and hygienic experts and psychological sleuths roam at will through the nursery. Inspired by the noble example of the Shuberts, will somebody now have the courage to exclude the late arrivals at dinner parties and to tell everybody when they should go home; to insist that the lawn mower lent to a neighbor shall be returned at the specified time; to refuse to answer telephone calls unless the man himself, who is calling, is actually on the wire; to refuse to listen to plays read aloud by anxious friends who have just written them; and to rule that all dis- cussion about disarmament, immigration, the tariff and the frightful inconsistency of the stock market shall come within the three-minute limit? The Champion € OW long did it take you to put little brother to sleep?” “Only one round.” LIFE Time’s Revenge Oe on a time he would have said: Not ghoul or dhoul of air or seq Can make me hang a shameful head Or shake a whimper out of me. For I could top all sullen might, And outwear any woe that came, And look on happiness or fright As but the changes in a game. But now a night-hag hath me down, And I am staring, suddenly, As one who wakens from renown To clamant notoriety. The king his diadem shall wear, The half-king flaunt what gaud he can, Until time swing him by the hair No king at all, and scarce a man. James Stephens. Confessions of a Waiter HERE have been a great many isconceptions abroad as to where a waiter goes when he takes your order, I decided to become a waiter just to find out, and presented myself at the waiters’ door of the Ritz. The Chief of the Ministers to Gastro- nomical Amenities (as they are called) ushered me into his study and told me that I was just the man that he was looking for. Then he gave me my in- structions. “After you get an order, never take it directly to the Master of Culinary Cere- monies, but retire into the library for twenty-five minutes. There you will find all the latest periodicals, Dr. Eliot’s five- foot shelf of books, the works of George Eliot, H. G. Wells, Thackeray, Milton, Dickens and Ezra Kendall. There are also sets of the Rover Boys, the Motor Boys and the Book of Etiquette. Make yourself at home. You will find the subdued, cultured atmosphere of the oak- panelled room highly conducive to read- ing; and remember, with fifteen minutes a day at your disposal, you can become a well-read man. Think of your oppor- tunity with twenty-five minutes every time you take an order.” I was delighted with the prospect. I began to work with a will; and at the time of this writing, five years since I first donned my daytime dinner coat, I have become affluent on tips, I have satis- fied all my customers, and I can talk glibly on any subject you choose. Some day I hope to be made a head- waiter. Erdman Harris. Aug Le Vv E a cordia trainit to co exerci It i shoul protec tems. time | exercl the th realiz systen who their these until, be, a it is up e with we n rise comicbooks.com