Life — August 11, 1921 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

12 Investigation Announcement N these days, when special committees are being sent out on all sides to in- vestigate conditions (any conditions will do) it must not be said that Lire has lagged behind. We must have an inves- tigation committee. This resolution has been brought about by the daily receipt in this office of letters written on of- ficial stationery on which, after the name of the com- mittee had been printed across the top, with the address, telephone number, and weather for to-morrow, and a list of names of members of the committee printed down the left-hand side, together with honorary vice-presidents and spare parts, there was just enough room left for some one to write “Dear Sir,” sign his name “For the Committee” and go home. Therefore, to the Committee to In- vestigate the Near East, the Committee to Investigate the Fairly Near East and the Committee to Investigate the Prac- tically West, Lire intends to add the Committee to Investigate the Eastern Summer Resorts of the United States. We can assure our readers that this in- vestigation will be on the square, and that in the reports which are to follow not a single word will be minced. The scope of this affair may be judged from a reading of the names of promi- nent citizens whom we have asked, or would ask if we had time, to serve on the committee. Invitations are likely to be sent out any day to the following: wonBecrPa m0. How did ye hurt yer hand? Been fightin’? Yep. Those were awful sharp teeth Sammy Jones used to have. Bobbie: Eddie: The Dog: chance to chase that ball. Warren G. Harding (President of the United States. You know). Calvin Coolidge (Former Governor of Massachusetts). James A. Stillman (Owner of the yacht Modesty). Representative Volstead. Tex Rickard. Ann Pennington. Tom Watson. D. W. Griffith. John Roach Straton. Zane Grey. J. J. and Lee Shubert. Augusta Stetson. The report of this committee on At- lantic coast summer resorts will be pub- lished at an early date. N epigram is a twinkle in the eye of Truth. It doesn’t look like I’m going to get a‘ LIFE Out of Luck “ HERE'S the Chief of Police?” “Gone to the capital to urge the passage of the Police Sal- ary Increase bill.” “The Sheriff, then?” “The’ Sheriff is out inspect- ing films at the Model Movie Studios.” “Well, then, the Commis- sioner of Public Safety?” “At the beach superintend- ing the enforcement of the Muggins-Hirsch Correct Bath- ing Suit law.” “And the Chief of the Strong Arm Squad?” “Addressing the Young People’s League on features of the Pratt-Dusenberry Anti-Play law.” The stranger sank into a chair. “Hang it!” he said. “There’s a bully hold-up going on down the street—but under the Newton-Goldberg law I’m not permitted to stand and look at it without an official pass.” Lest We Remember HE mystery of our disabled soldiers is not unlike the weather that Mark Twain referred to as something that everybody talked about but nobody did anything about. We hear rumors that the government departments that have this matter in charge are being reorgan- ized and that “everything is now all right.” In the meantime, does anybody know whether our disabled soldiers are not? Farmer Hawkins (on his first visit to town): Guess that must be one o” them airyplane hangars I’ve read so much about. comicbooks.com