Life — June 16, 1921 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIF® Dr. Finfan Lectures at the Aquarium Ti = first of a series of lectures planned for the habiiués of Battery Park Aquarium, was delivered on Saturday after- noon by Dr. A. Finfan, of the National Federation for the Pro- motion of Privacy for Goldfish. Throughout the lecture Dr, Finfan held his listeners breathless, appealing to the manhood or womanhood of every one of them. “Most people,” he began, “think that because they neve goldfish shedding tears they are always happy, but the tion I represent knows they are saddened "—Dr. Letrayed strong emotion—“ because there are no cor round aquarium, I tell you, the thousands and thousar goldfish that have been picked up on the rugs of our natic not jump out of the water by accident. They jumped b they were leading lives devoid of privacy in cornerles: globes, and suicide was their object Dr. Finfan said that the Federation was meeting with re: success in its agitation for a new model of fish bowl. Not so far in the future, he hopes, the bowls will be built on the square, and of some opaque material. Besides the shocking lack of privacy which the glass bowls force on the fish, there is the fact that the sun’s rays on the water burn up the oxygen and result in many cases of hoof-and-mouth disease. “In the Island of Yap,” said the lecturer, “where opaque bowls are used, they tell us that the goldfish live to be three hundred years old and grow long white whiskers. “T hope we shall live to sce the goldfish come into his own,” concluded Dr. Finfan, “ The goldfish is the least understood of = all our pets. When you go up to the globe and look at him he ailsal.GmP> waves his tail at you just like a kind, affectionate pup, yet who -—— ever saw a person say a kind word to a goldfish ? Who ever “RIDING HIM OFF,” saw even the kindest-hearted person pat one on the head and tell him he was a nice little minnow? But some day all will be Tales Out of School changed. And the man who has an aquarium without at least “IT must break the theme of your lecture to be interrupted by providing shades which may be easily pulled down by the fish, Your audience! will become the butt of press, pulpit and public.” “The secret of success for a lecturer, my boy,” replied the Margaret Searle. foreign visitor, “is not to have a theme.” Reflections of a Class A Caddie NE swallow does not make a golfer- it only helps. You may chip, you may wallop the ball if you will, But the slash of the duffer will cling round it still. Look before you cheat. Every water hole has a silver lining— ask the boat boy. To stymie is human; to lift up divine Half a stroke is better than none. He laughs last who putts best. When in doubt, hole out. Something Like RAWFORD: The screen producers a have pledged themselves to throw out iN mart every rotten picture. Ceansiaw: That will be the best happy She (Sunday morning): pip YOU EVER GO TO SUNDAY SCHOOL? ending they have ever given us. Caddie: yessuM! you WAS ME TEACHER! comicbooks.com