Life — May 26, 1921 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

( ( Lady Art Critic (to distinguished painter): AK YOU DOING ANYTHING IN THE NUDE NOW, MR. VAN DAUBER? Van Dauber; ONLY BATHING, MADAM, RTH A MILLION DOLLARS.” “To wHom?” LIFE Yes and No , NCE I sat and wondered whether (As others have before me done) Life were happier together Or, perhaps, as now, alone, and with fountain pen and notebook, Figuring all the offs and ons, Half the night I sat and wrote book Aiter book of pros and cons. Pro: I'd have a home to go to Which were blessedness indeed; Con: I'd have a lawn to mow, too, Or flower-beds perhaps to weed. Think of all the endless bothers (Leaky faucet, creaky door) ; Think, however, of the others Which I then should have no more Socks, for instance; they'd be mended, Holes in trousers neatly spanned, All my laundry troubles ended— Yet, upon the other hand, Baby screaming in the morning, And—still harder to endure— Curious baby things adorning All my special furniture. Still, one must admit a baby, If, ferchance, it is a boy, When he grows to manhood may he Quite a source of pride and joy. And, if one consider further, Married life in fact might be Not at all unpleasant, were there Sympathy "twixt you and she, Thus all night I sat and wondered, First a pro and then a con, Till I felt, the more I pondered, Quite convinced the pros had won. But when at last I swore with feeling That she and I should married be. The biggest con of all came stealing In and murmured “Who is she? Roger Burlingame. To Square Accounts = ARRY, dear, promise me that if i die you will marry Jane Jones.” she said thoughtfully. “Jane Jones!" he exclaimed in as- tonishment. “Why, I thought you hated her.” “TI do!” she responded briefly. THAT whistling noise you hear is the inflation coming out of the industrial situation, comicbooks.com