Life — May 19, 1921 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“AM L GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?” Sanctum Talks “ OOD morning, sir! I don't know who you are, but— good morning! You look guilty, but Am I really welcome, Lire?” “Sure you're welcome. We're all guilty more or less. achair, Sit down. Have a couple of chairs. And what's your particular crime?” “Well, Lire, you see, it isn't exactly a—" “T know, I know—that’s what we all say—hate to admit it Remember, I'm your father confessor, and Have even to ourselves, we're alone. Go as far as you like. “Don't you know me?” Let's see, your face is—" “Why, of course, certainly, why not? Yet I must confess that “Say, Lire! Don't use that word ‘confess'—makes me nervous. My name's Kenesaw Mountain!” Kenesaw Mountain! What a wonderful name! like the Rock of Gibraltar and Harding's cabinet combined. Sounds Now | hegin to feel guilty myself, and—" “Landis!” “You don’t mean to say that this is my old friend Kencsaw- Mountain-Standard-Oil-Babe-Ruth-Judge-Landis, of Chicago? Why, so itis! Have three chairs!” “The same—am I guilty or not guilty?” “See here, Judge Landis! You're just the man I'm looking for. Can you get me a couple of boxes for the World's Series next fall? 1 know it’s looking well ahead, but—” “Lire! Am I guilty or not guilty?” “Well, how do’ you feel about it?” “Kind of mean. To take a whopping salary as haseball referee, and at the same time occupy the dignified position of United States District Judge—’ Be serious, LIFE “Now, Judge, you're getting too personal and—" But—"” If you can't get me two boxes, get me one!” Lire, you're impossible!” Then shake—partner!"" T. L: al, The Education of a Club Woman’s Husband H's reading course during the season just closed was varied and interesting. From his wife's conversation, directed to him when they were alone and at him on other occasions, the Club Woman's Hushand gained a working knowledge of Main Street, Margot, The Outline of History, Miss Lulu Bett, and Hunger. Besides these additions to the list of books unread but to be talked about anyhow, he read thirty-one pages ina contraband copy of Jurgen before his wife had to smuggle it hack to the owner. This advanced him as a Club Woman's Husband, putting him almost on the level with the husband who knows about genuine Wedgwood and Staffordshire pottery He attended seven teas, three of them willingly. He stayed to the end of all but one. He learned to recognize the intro- ductions of three songs, and four violin numbers. Also learned to pronounce Sarasate and Lieurance. He went to cight evening lectures, and went forward after seven of them so his wife could introduce herself to the lecturer. Saving Something A ERTAIN railway official has preached economy, in and out of season, until it has rather got on the nerves of the employees. He likes to talk to the men, putting questions which he thinks will bring out their special abilities and dem- onstrate their fitness for promotion, and recently he cornered a locomotive fireman. “What would you do,” the official asked, “if you saw that your train was heading into an unavoidable collision that promised to be an utterly destructive wreck?” “Why, of coal in each hand, yell to the engineer to bring the oil cas, and jump!” the fireman responded promptly, “I'd grab a lump Litde but Long “QO your wife doesn't say much when you stay out late?” Boggs remarked enviously. No, she doesn’t say much,” Sportlaigh answered bitterly; “but she keeps on eternally repeating it.” NEWLYWED (attempting to start car): This darned self-starter won't work, there's a short cireuit somewhere. Mrs. Newtywep: Well, why don’t you lengthen it, dear? THE BUCCANEERS MAKE A FANCY DIVER WALK THE PLANK, comicbooks.com