Life — May 12, 1921 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Committee EW plan has just been submitted for running the rail- A roads. That makes one hundred and eleven. The present suggestion involves the services of some six- teen committees. Now presumably the idea is to get the roses back into the checks of the railroads, so that they will go running about from place to place again and perhaps make a little money on pleasant Saturdays and Sundays. But if these proposed committces are anything like other committees which we have had to do with, the following will be a fair example of how our railroads will be run: The sub-committee on the Punching of Rebate Slips will have a meeting called for five o'clock in the private grill-room at the Pan-American Building. Postcards will have been sent out the day before by on the Whole understand,” offers a committeeman who is drawing con. centric circles on his pad of paper. “Bad weather for throat operations,” says the Secretary. “That's right,” says the Chairman, looking through a pik of papers for one which he has left at home. “But let's get down to business. At the last meeting the question arose as to whether or not it was advisable to continue having conductors punch the little hole at the bottom of rebate slips. As you knox, the slip says, ‘Not redeemable if punched here.” Now, some one brought up the point that it.seems silly to give out a rebate slip at all if there isn’t going to be any rebate on it. A sub committee was appointed to go into the matter, and I would like to ask Mr. Twing, the chairman, what he has to report.” Mr. Twing will clear the Secretary, saying: “ Please try to be pres- ent as there are several important matters to be brought up.” This will so pique the curiosity of the members that they will hardly be able to wait until five o'clock. One will come at four o'clock by mis- take and, after steam- ing up and down the corridor for half an hour, will go home and send in his resignation. At 5:10 the Secre- tary will bustle in with a brief-case and a map showing the areas over the United States for the preceding year. He will be very warm from hurrying. At 5:15 two members weather entire of the committee will stroll in, one of them saying to the other: “—so the Irishman turns to the Jew and says: ‘Well, I knew your father before that!” Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha ha! ‘I knew your fa- [| THE HIGH COST OF ASKING For his wife to get money from Breese, She would have to get down on her knees. He'd snarl, “ Whatcha do With that three sixty-two I gave you last August, Louise?” his throat and start to speak, but will make only an abortive sound. He will then clear bis throat again. “Mr. Chairman, the other members of the sub-committee and my- self were unable to get exactly the data on this that we wanted and | delegated Mr. Ent- whistle to dig up some thing which he said be had read recently in the files of the Scien tifie American. Bet Mr. Entwhistle doess' seem to be here to-day, and so I am unable to report on his findings It was, however, th sense of the meeting that the — conductors should not.” “Should not what?” inquires Dr. Pearly, an Le who has just sneaked in, knocking three hats to the floor while hang- ing up his coat. Dr. Pearly is never answered, for the Chairman looks at his watch and says: “Ie ther before that!’” : 7 : They will then seat themselves at one end of the committee- table, just as another member comes hurrying in. Time: 5:21. One of the story-tellers being the Chairman, he will pound half-heartedly on the table and say: “As some of us have to get away early, I think that we had better begin now, although Mr. Entwhistle and Dr. Pearly are not here.” “T met Dr. Pearly last night at the Vegetarian Club dinner,” says one of the members, “and he said that he might be a little late to-day but that he would surely come.” “His wife has just had a very delicate throat operation, I very sorry, gentlem but I have an appointment at 5:45 and be gi Supposing I appoint a sub-committee consisting of Dr. Peatly, Mr. Twing and Mr. Berry, to find Mr. Entwhistle ant sce what he dug out of the files of the Scientific Americas Then, at the next meeting we can have a report from both so committees and will also hear from Professor McKlicktric, wt has just returned from Panama. . . . A motion to adjoum is now in order. Do I hear such a motion?” After listening carefully, he hears it, and the railroads me themselves for another week. Robert C. Benchley. must rer. its of ¢ was acco bous thin, est At their Tavit “Bo he? throx ure keade comicbooks.com